Mood: Feeling a little useless, to be honest

What I'm Listen To Right Now: The Australian Open on TV

So my last post was about how I finished my book and how weird it was. Well, nothing has changed. It's still weird, and what makes it weirder is that I'm having a hard time being excited about it. I mean, I know how big of an accomplishment it is to dedicated so much time to something and then to actually write a full-fledged book. I get all that, but I really thought I'd be exhilarated and shouting it from the roof tops. But in all reality, I forgot to tell my best friend until last night. I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe it's withdraw from making things up.

Think about it, I've spent over a year just telling a story, making things up. And now I'm writing sports articles and looking at some other freelance jobs, but really, I need to make things up!

And I've been fighting the urge to read my book and start making changes. I really want to take some time away from it and look at it with fresh eyes, maybe some time next week. But every once in a while I'll open up my laptop and think about reading it. Knowing that there are about 1,000 things I want, and need to fix.

Add to all of this that I'm scared to death that it's not that great and that sending it to an agent will only prove that I've wasted a year of my life caring about something that could fail. And I hate thinking that way. I'd much rather picture myself living comfortably as a writer.

Also I've been sleeping a lot, which isn't exactly strange for me; it's basically what I'm known for, but I'm sleeping even more than usual. I think it has something to do with the withdraw and the feeling useless.

I just need to shake it off. I know I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing and I know that I'm making opportunities for myself with the stuff that I'm working on now. I just need to stay focused and edit this book into the best book it can be. I know I believe in my story, I just need to tighten it up and get on with it.

There, I feel better. Thanks for reading my rant. :)

Oh, in the good news department, I did start on that stack of books I got from the library and just finished Knock Me Off My Feet by Susan Donovan. It was fantastic, and I'm about to start on another one of her books, He Loves Lucy.

-B

Labels: Doubts

Mood: Exhausted and shocked

What I'm Listening To Right Now: The Australian Open on ESPN

I'm done. I'm done with my book. I finished it. The first draft is completely done and I've written a whole book.

By the way, pardon me if I don't make sense but it's almost five am and I JUST FINISHED MY FIRST BOOK!!!

I'm in a little bit of a daze, to be honest. I thought maybe I would laugh, cry or something when I finished it but I just sort of sat there staring at the laptop wondering what I would do with my time tomorrow.

And I'm not going to lie, I thought about the stack of books I picked up from the library tonight, (yesterday? I don't know...) and how I can read them now that I'm done.

I think I'm going to take a few days and just relax a little and read. Then I'll print it out and really go through it with a fine tooth comb. I know I have a lot to fix and edit and I'm really looking forward to it. Now that I have the story out of my head I can make it really good.

I've worked on this book for over a year now and I simply cannot believe that I'm done. Honestly, this is where the pressure starts. Now it's time to make it great and send it off and hope agents think it's great. But I'm just going to enjoy this right now, I think.

Maybe I'll work out for a while tomorrow and not worry about how much writing I could be doing. I know one thing, I'm going to read a book that's not mine! :)

Oh, I went over my word total a little. I ended somewhere around 120,640 or something like that. Some of that is sure to disappear but I'm going to save everything I delete so I can laugh at my first draft in a few years. (Hopefully from the top of the Best Sellers List, ha!)

Obviously, I need to go to sleep. But I just had to get this out there because I can't believe it.

I'm done.

-B

Labels: The Book

Mood: Feeling a little overwhelmed but in a good way. :)

What I'm Listening To Right Now: MSNBC on TV

I know I've said this a lot lately but seriously, I'm almost done with this book. I actually think I'll be done within weekend if I can get myself to sit down and only focus on my story and not everything else that's going on.

I've actually come to a screeching halt on my reading binge. I finished Strange Bedpersons by Jennifer Crusie a few days ago and headed back to the library to pick up something new. There was nothing. I picked up about five books and can't get into any of them. So I went back onto the library's website and reserved about ten books from various authors that I love, like Carly Phillips and a few others that I can't remember right now. Now if I could just remember to go to the library to pick them up...

But actually it's good that I haven't because I'm distracted enough from my book as it is.

I just started writing for a online teen magazine called Whateverlifemagazine.com. It's an awesome site run by a young girl who started Whateverlife as a site to help people decorate their MySpaces. Anyway, it got so big she's actually making a good living off of it and wanted to start her own magazine. She's very ambitious and I like her a lot. I'm writing sports over there, which I love, so I'm distracted by thoughts of David Beckham and Andy Roddick at the moment. But no fear, I'm going to knock this book out before next week.

As a matter of a fact, I'm not going to allow myself to pick up my books from the library until I'm done. New rule! I like it.

Alright, I need to get some things done. It's been a "wintery" day here in NC. And by "wintery" I mean light sleet that shuts down the southern part of the state because they don't understand what exactly this freezing stuff is. :)

-B

Labels: Writing Rules

Mood: Feeling pretty productive, so that's always good.

What's I'm Listening To Right Now: It Ends Tonight by All American Rejects

Well, I'm pretty sure I've turned into one of those reclusive writers who doesn't talk to people and then wonders why her friends are so mad because she's been incommunicado for days.

I've gotten a few phone calls and e-mails wondering where in the hell I've been, which is good and bad. Bad because I love my friends and like talking to them, but good because that means I've been writing. And reading, obviously.

I've actually made a deal with myself that as long as I write a good amount everyday, I don't have to feel guilty about reading a ridiculous amount everyday as well. Either way, I feel oddly official since I've seen other writers talk about going through these same "Cave Days."

Another sign that I've been writing a lot is that I've had the tendency to put a quotation marks on everything I write. I do this when I've been writing a lot of talkative scenes that my characters seem to have a lot, and I almost sent an entire e-mail in quotes. Yay me.

So excuse any odd quotation marks in the next few days.

I'm off the read.

-B

Labels: Writing Quirks

Mood: Contemplative

What I'm Listening To Right Now: Waiting on the World to Change by John Mayer

I've been wearing the plastic cover right off of my library card since the New Year. Leave it to me to take the idea of keeping track of what I read as a personal competition with myself. In the last week, I've read three books and put a serious dent in another last night. I think I'll be finishing Bet Me by Jennifer Crusie tonight before I go to bed.

As I said before, I'm knocking out all of Jennifer Crusie's books this month, and I'm on my third of the year with two more in the wings. All with the tiny interruptions from First Assistant, which I picked up at the library on a whim and The Guy Not Taken by Jennifer Weiner, which I couldn't very well leave sitting on the shelf starting at me. This is why I'm a VIP at my library, I would be broke and hungry if I bought all the books I read. Although, I do buy books from my favorite authors and books that I love. The problem with Crusie is that I end up loving them all. So they go on my To Be Bought list, simply out of self/budget preservation.

The problem with all of this reading is that I'm worried I won't be writing when I need to. I never worry about picking up someone else's voice because A) I haven't seen that it's happened since I started writing my book and B) If it does I'll notice it when I edit. But for the most part, it's not something I think about. What I do think about is the fact that I couldn't put down Bet Me last night and only made myself go to bed when I saw that the sun was coming up.

So not only does that mean that slept late today, but it also means that I'm tired and jealous, because one of my huge goals of writing is to write a book that people stay up all night to read and then go to work with puffing eyes, messed up hair and the main goal to go home and find out what happens next.

::sigh:: It'll happen.

-B

Labels: What I'm reading

Mood: Not spectacular but okay. I just destroyed my breakfast, which to a I'm-a-good-cook-I-can-handle-this person like myself, isn't the best feeling in the world.

What I'm Listening To Right Now: This Aint No Scene, It's an Arms Race by Fall Out Boy

So, if I could just sum up my weekend for you all in a word, it would be sleep. If I had two words, they would be sleep and football. If I had nine words, they would be I Slept and Watched My Football Team Lose Horribly. All of this ends up with me not writing a book, that's for sure.

I've been writing this book for so long now, you would think that I was be more disciplined in the way, or how much, I write. Then again, if I was disciplined perhaps I would be done by now. I'm a walking contradiction these days.

Anyway, I've pretty much figured out that if I'm not a lazy, bad, lazy person I can finish this book in about two weeks. There's just really not much left that needs to happen before my finals scenes. Then I just have to rip the book apart in editing, put it back together and I'm smooth sailing.

I'm know I'm being very scatter-brained in this post and I apologize, but I've just been feeling very lazy lately. It may have something to do with the fact that I hurt my ankle and can't workout, thus feeling like I sit on the couch all day. (Which is totally a doctor's recommendation, by the way.) And being a writer doesn't help when you basically just sit in front of a computer, preferably on the couch, and write in between being a procrastinator and checking your e-mail.

Not to mention that my other big project that I'm working on requires surfing the net and networking online, so I basically feel like I'm procrastinating even when I'm working. I'm a mess, I tell ya.

I need to get that writer's confidence that I've seen other writers have when somebody comes up to them and says, "I could totally write a book, that seems easy enough." Then they reply with, "Then go write a book and get back to me with how easy it is, stupidhead."

Okay, so maybe other writers don't use the term stupidhead, but it's completely on point to people who say things like that. Writing a book is hard, even if I do get to do it while sitting on a couch.

-B

Labels: Feeling Lazy

Mood: Good... I know, boring but true.

What I'm Listening To Right Now: How To Save A Life by The Fray

Operation Taking My Plot Back From My Characters has commenced. I sat down today and roughly plotted out what needs to happen in the rest of the book, and also more tightly plotted out what will happen in the next few chapters. Surprisingly enough, there's not much left. It's jarring to look at it and think, "Oh, so now I need to prepare for some rejections..."

Because I'm not stupid, I know when I send my book out to agents, it will get rejected, that's what agents do. But, in my new and positive way of thinking, I'm also planning that I'll get some that think I'm brilliant. Or maybe just pretty good. I'd take that.

Anyway, enough about my book. What are you all reading? I'm on my second Jennifer Crusie book of the year, Fast Women. I read and loved her book Welcome To Temptation last year and I picked up Don't Look Down a week or so ago at the library and really enjoyed it too. I think it was the third Crusie book I've read, so I put a few more on hold at the library.

I do this type of thing a lot. I find an author that I like and read everything they write. I'm very loyal that way, especially about books. I won't even get into how, besides the library, I don't get books from anywhere but Barnes & Noble. You should see my attitude on the rare occasion that I go into Borders. :)

I'd love any suggestions of good, light-hearted books. As much as I love drama, especially writing it, I like lighter stuff when I'm just reading. It helps me relax. So let me know.

Okay, that's it for me tonight. I'm off to start Fast Women.

-B

Labels: What I'm reading

Mood: Good but a tad bit frustrated.

What I'm Listening to Right Now: Fidelity by Regina Spektor

So I got back to writing today, after the holiday of laziness, and I've realized that my book is front heavy. A lot of stuff happens in the first half of the book, and then not so much happens in the end until the BIG finish.

So I've been writing fun scenes of my characters just being normal, (or as normal as they can be, anyway) and I'm thinking that when I'm done, I'm going to have to go back through and move some things that happen to them from the beginning to the end, although I'm sort of between a rock and a hard place because certain things have to happen at certain times in order for the story to work.

I think tomorrow, which is my day off, (yes, I know taking a day off the day after you start isn't promising but it's the only day I can make work) I'm going to sit down with my pen and notebook and plot some things out. I feel like I need to take a look at everything again, get a grasp of what's going on. I know it sounds crazy but I feel like my characters and their personal lives have taken my plot captive. I need to get the story told while they need to worry about boys and girls. I'm taking it back tomorrow!

So my "off day" technically won't be off, but whatever. Plotting is one of my favorite parts of writing, so I'm not hurting or anything.

Alrighty, it's off to bed with me.

I hope everyone's New Year is going well so far.

P.S. I'll be updating my progress on my little word counter soon, I promise.

-B

Labels: The Book

Mood: Optimistic

What I'm Listening To: Jay Leno on TV

Boy, this feels familiar! It seems like just yesterday I started this place with the idea to write a book, and now here I am, a year later still not done! It's going to happen. Soon.

Just some general updates, as you all might know, I run a few other blogs. One is for Charity and the other is a better known blog called ChicksView. It's a blog about racing, run and created by me with my friend Meme. Well, in the switch over to the new google accounts that blogger is using, it seems that all of my blogs were put under one account, meaning that they are all listed together and therefore when I post now it is under RaceChick. Which is silly. I don't like it, but honestly, I don't know how to fix it, so just know that RaceChick is me, Brandy, and that I'm working on keeping my two blog identities separate, since racing has absolutely nothing to do with this blog, or my book.

Whew. Well, there.

Now about the book.

I really feel like I'm in the home-stretch now. I really feel like if I put my head down I can have it done by the end of January. Which slightly goes over my deadline of Summer 2006, but you know... stuff happens.

I'm finally getting to the parts that I've been thinking about forever. I saw that JK Rowling said that about writing the last book in the Harry Potter series, and honestly, I can't even imagine what she must be going through. It's exciting for me, but a little overwhelming because I've had such big plans for over a year and now I have to write them and how will they hold up to what I've had in my mind, and so on. She's had amazing, genius ideas for over a decade! Again I'll say, the woman is awesome. Bottom line.

Lately I seem to be having the problem of getting off track, which is sort of funny because I'm working hard to get to the dramatic ending and yet my characters seem to want to talk about prom. I don't know how it happens, so don't ask, but it's funny that this book has turned into such a normal-girl book, even though she has some pretty crazy things happening around her. I'm really happy with it, to be honest with you, because I didn't want this to be a book about magic, evolution or science, as much as I wanted it to be a book about a girl, who happens to have all of those things going on around her. So I'm on my way, it seems.

So I won't bore you anymore with my vague description of my book, which I don't want to go into too much detail about. But I will! I will! When the time is right.

The next few months are looking like they will be the most exciting, scary, dramatic, awesome months of my life (eek!) but I'm looking forward to them. And looking forward to sharing them with you all!

:)

-B

Labels: The Book