Mood: Restless

What I'm watching right now: Martinsville NASCAR race

So I kind of feel like I'm in limbo. I'm waiting on word from some people on the book right now and I also need to send out a few more fulls and partials that need to be sent in the mail, other than that... nothing.

I still feel like I *hypothetically* want to make the changes that the *hypothetical* agent and I talked about a few weeks ago. I think they will make my book better, but all of that depends on what happens with the rest of the submissions that I have out right now. Like I said: limbo.

I've started another book, but by started I mean I have about ten pages that I'm not over the moon about. When I first started writing my Current Book, I couldn't get enough. I'm not sure if it was because I had my best friend reading it as I wrote it or because I knew it was a good one. Either way, that's not happening with the New One. I like it, it could be good but I could also read another Davidson book, ya follow me?

There's also the issue of the First Book. The book that took me a year and a half to write. I love that book, but out of fear or something, I can't seem to get back to it. I know it's good, I know it's a great idea but I also know that it needs to be overhauled. Writing the Current Book showed me what it was like to write a good book and I know that the First Book needs to be like.

I guess it was just such an overwhelming process for me that it's almost scary to go back there. But I need to, because I have something there, I just need to make it great.

On top of all of this, I'm starting a new job tomorrow, and I'm seriously considering going back to school in January... because I'm a masochist, I think.

Why can't I find someone to pay me to watch MTV or HGTV all day? That's a job I could excel at!

No news yet.

-B

Labels: Limbo

Mood: Productive!

What I'm watching right now: Jeopardy

So I just finished updating my Read in '07 list, and as you might see, I've been reading Mary Janice Davidson lately. These were the books I mentioned before but couldn't remember her name. Now I can talk about how hilarious these books are!

I love, love, love these books! I literally laughed out loud through the whole series, (actually, I still haven't read Undead and Unemployed. It's on hold at the library, and before you ask, yes, I'm totally buying these now.) I actually read them out of order and had no problem catching up. I was, in fact, completely bummed when I finished the stack of her books I had because I knew I wouldn't be laughing my literary ass off as I had been. They are that funny. I actually have a signed copy of Undead and Unappreciated that I picked up at Barnes & Noble, so I'm super excited about that.

In other news, I have no news. Really. Sort of. Nothing big, anyway. The agent thing is still chugging along nicely, but there's nothing worth blogging about right now.

I've been doing a lot of non-book things this week, which has actually been a much needed break for me, I think. It's good to not live the book for a while. Especially before I have to dive back in.

Anyway, I think that's it for today. Go read Mary Janice Davidson Undead series, like now. Also, get Fourth Comings by Megan McCafferty, (if you're all caught up, of course) it's one of the most honest books I've ever read. Especially for someone who is the exact age of Jessica Darling. (That would be me.)

-B

Labels: Books

Mood: Hopeful

What I'm Watching Right Now: Football

So, how do you like the place? I know this layout is a little dark but the moment I saw that little "Pull" tag, (go ahead, click it!) I was a goner. Hopefully you guys, (yes, all two of you!) will like is as much as I do.

It actually took me all night to get this thing up and going so I have to get off of this computer soon, but a small update:

Things are still progressing. I have some mail to send and I'm waiting for some news, (Hi, I'm Vague) but other than that, all is quiet.

Last week stressed me out so much I've sort of taken this week off from the book. Ideas for revisions are still popping up but I have to wait to hear from some people before I dig in, so to speak.

I've been reading like a crazy person though and I'll soon have a series to add to the Read in 2007 list, which you have to scroll all the way down to see these days. If I could remember the authors name right now, I would tell you how smart and flippin' hilarious she is, but I can't so I won't. Maybe another post.

Anyway, I have some real life, non-book things to do tomorrow, so I better go. Enjoy navigating the new digs. :)

-B

Labels: ch-ch-changes

Mood: Can't be summed up into one, or even two, moods

What I'm watching right now: MSNBC

Just in case I didn't get the point across in my last post, this whole agent thing is hard.

I wish that there was a part of me that could sit back and say, "Wow, what's happening now is great. No matter how it turns out, this is a good sign." But I can't. Wanna know why?

Because I can't manage to keep my mouth shut! Let's just say, hypothetically of course, that I was talking to an agent and they have ideas about my book, and I love %99 of them but there are a few, (huge) issues but I'm open to them, but in the (amazing) difficulties of life, another agent (or more) has a full and the smart thing to do would be to wait that out before making changes and sending it back to hypothetical agent. "Awesome!" I should have (hypothetically) said, "I'll get to work on it and we'll see how it turns out. I'll let you know when I'm ready to work on the big stuff."

Not say, "I think I'll work on it now and send it back to you anyway." No. No. No.

Now, in my defense, it was late and I was out of my mind. I realize now that I should have just left that part out because, of course, said agent doesn't (hypothetically) want to see it again until we can talk about the big changes that I'm not willing to make just yet. But I blabbered, people. To an agent.

This is what happens when you're 22, dealing with agents (hypothetically, of course) for the first time and really digging the hypothetical agent's ideas. Oh and talking through e-mails that you can't unsend.

It reminds me of high school relationships. When you say something to that really cute guy or girl and then realize later that you sounded like an idiot and you're all, "Why did I say that?!" Yeah, that's me right now. Also, there's the whole, "But what does that mean?" part that you always go through when dealing with those high school issues. You guessed it, going through that now too.

I just want to make my book the best book it can be. Agents are obviously important to the publishing process but dammit, so is making my book great.

This post isn't making any sense, (thus is my life) but I just needed to rant a little. If I could go into detail and not seem like I was bragging/complaining I would, but I'm not sure that's a great idea. Just know that this is hard. Hopefully the hypothetical agent realizes that I'm just a writer eager to write a good book and that's why I'm so damn eager. And hopefully said hypothetical agents won't think I'm an idiot. Because I think I might seem like one right now.

Also, big question. Do you go with an agent that wants you or fight for the agents you really, really want? That's not to say that a) I have an offer or b) that I don't think that all of the (hypothetical) agents I'm talking to aren't awesome. But if faced with that, what the hell do you do??

Like I said: Hard.

I think I'll go hide under the covers now.

Rule #1 when searching for agents: Just shut up.

-B

Labels: Agents.

Mood: Oh, who knows?

What I'm Watching Right Now: The 11 o'clock news

So this agent thing might be harder than actually writing a book. That isn't to say it's going bad. I'm actually surprised at the reaction I've gotten so far. Obviously I don't want to go into detail because naming names isn't cool, plus actually writing the number of times I've been rejected is depressing, but they haven't all been rejections, folks. No news yet though. We'll see...

Back to this being hard. I think some people might look at writers and think that it must be the easiest job in the world. We just sit around our computers making up stories in our pajamas, eating bon bons or something. Not so much.

I mean, yes to the pajamas and boy do I wish I had some bon bons, but besides that, this is hard, hard stuff. Think about it, we need the creativity and dedication to think up, write and finish books. Then there's the editing, (my least favorite part) and then just when you think you've got your book right, you send it out to agents and some of them reject you, some of them say it's good but needs work and maybe, just maybe, someone loves it. Hard, hard, hard.

I've said this before but putting yourself out there to be judged and/or rejected is one of the toughest things a human being can do, and we have to do it just to get started.

Now, I'm not really complaining, since a) I'm not published yet and b) it's sure as hell better than crunching numbers, (unless, of course, crunching numbers is your passion, then it's totally cool) and looking at a future without writing. At least for me.

I've been trying to explain what this process is like to my friends and family, and I still don't think I've been able to express it properly. Even the good stuff is nerve wracking. Let's just say, hypothetically of course, that an agent wants to see your partial or full manuscript, that's awesome... for about five minutes. Until you realize that now you have to send your "baby" off to someone to say whether they like it or not. Yeah, that pretty much sucks the fun out of that.

Although that five minutes is pretty freakin' awesome. I'm just guessing, because I don't know YET, that finally getting an agent and then obviously being published makes it all worth it.

Hopefully that will happen to me and I'll let you know. ;)

-B

Labels: Agents.

Mood: No idea.

What I'm Listening to Right Now: I should really change this to "What I'm Watching Right now" because, seriously, I watch so much more TV than I listen to music. It's something to think about...

Anyway, this just in, I've been rejected. It's cool. Sort of. I mean, the agent was very, very gracious about it and even said, (although I'm not sure if this is the normal rejection thing) that my idea was intriguing but just not right for her list. And I'm cool with that. I think. Intriguing is good, right? I mean, she didn't say, "For the love of God, stop writing!" ya know?

Am I bummed? Oh hells yeah. But I'll get over it. I might actually already be over it.

My first reaction was to open up Word and start working on the next query, which I think is a good sign. I didn't, say, go hide under the covers in my bed and cry myself a river or perhaps, try to throw myself out of my first story window, which would not only be silly but embarrassing, since there is a hill there and some rolling would certainly be involved.

So I think I'm handling this well. I plan to send out an e-query or two tomorrow; one to an agent that I'm kind of attached to. It's scary but it needs to be done, and if she's not interested, I'll move along to the other agents I've researched.

This is me being super grownup, by the way. Just thought you should know.

So there it is, my first rejection. It might be the last rejection that I talk about, (or perhaps the last, in general because my fairy godagent is out there waiting) just because I don't like to focus on the negative. I just thought this should be documented, since it's the first one and all.

So there. The process has begun. And I'm okay. Really. (I'm surprised how true this actually is.)

Night everyone!

-B

Labels: Agents.

Mood: Good but still anxious

What I'm Listening to Right Now: Red Sox v. Yankees on TV

So, Thursday at around 8 o'clock at night, I sent in my comment query to the agent I mentioned in my previous post. It's the first time I've queried an agent at all, and it was a big moment for me. I think I'm actually feeling what I thought I'd feel when I finished both of my books. That whole, "Holy crap, I just did that," feeling.

I mean, not only have I written two books, one which after last night is completely complete and one that still needs major changes, but now I'm actually looking for agents. Okay, well one agent at the moment. After I hear from her, I'll look into what I need to do. I just want to get this first one out of the way and see how I handle whatever comes at me.

If she likes it and wants to see more, awesome! That's what I've wanted. If not, I know that I need to work on my query and send it out to the other agents that I've researched. Deep breath.

I'm really preparing myself for rejection. Not because I'm expecting it but because I know that's what I'll have a problem handling. I'm not good with rejection, never have been, so I know I need to be prepared.

But I'll share something with you right now that I haven't told a single soul: I'm proud of myself.

I'm not the kind of person that pats herself on the back. I'm actually the polar opposite. Many people in my life get on me about being too hard on myself, so the fact that I just typed that I'm proud of myself is kind of a breakthrough.

I just feel like, not only have a written a book, (two, actually) but I'm putting myself out there. Good or bad, I'm doing what I've always wanted to do. I'm putting my ego on the line for my dreams. That's huge. And now I have a huge amount of respect for people who've been doing this for years, whether it's actors, writers, artists or anyone that has put so much time/care/love/heartache/feeling/energy into something and then just puts it out to the universe and yells, "Judge me!"

It's a big deal. And I, my friends, just did that.

Anyway, the agent posted that she should be getting back to everyone who queried by Tuesday, (deep breath) so I'll know either way by then, and I'll definitely post here when I know something.

Fingers crossed.

-B

Labels: Agents.