Mood: No idea.

What I'm Listening to Right Now: I should really change this to "What I'm Watching Right now" because, seriously, I watch so much more TV than I listen to music. It's something to think about...

Anyway, this just in, I've been rejected. It's cool. Sort of. I mean, the agent was very, very gracious about it and even said, (although I'm not sure if this is the normal rejection thing) that my idea was intriguing but just not right for her list. And I'm cool with that. I think. Intriguing is good, right? I mean, she didn't say, "For the love of God, stop writing!" ya know?

Am I bummed? Oh hells yeah. But I'll get over it. I might actually already be over it.

My first reaction was to open up Word and start working on the next query, which I think is a good sign. I didn't, say, go hide under the covers in my bed and cry myself a river or perhaps, try to throw myself out of my first story window, which would not only be silly but embarrassing, since there is a hill there and some rolling would certainly be involved.

So I think I'm handling this well. I plan to send out an e-query or two tomorrow; one to an agent that I'm kind of attached to. It's scary but it needs to be done, and if she's not interested, I'll move along to the other agents I've researched.

This is me being super grownup, by the way. Just thought you should know.

So there it is, my first rejection. It might be the last rejection that I talk about, (or perhaps the last, in general because my fairy godagent is out there waiting) just because I don't like to focus on the negative. I just thought this should be documented, since it's the first one and all.

So there. The process has begun. And I'm okay. Really. (I'm surprised how true this actually is.)

Night everyone!

-B

Labels: Agents.

Mood: Good but still anxious

What I'm Listening to Right Now: Red Sox v. Yankees on TV

So, Thursday at around 8 o'clock at night, I sent in my comment query to the agent I mentioned in my previous post. It's the first time I've queried an agent at all, and it was a big moment for me. I think I'm actually feeling what I thought I'd feel when I finished both of my books. That whole, "Holy crap, I just did that," feeling.

I mean, not only have I written two books, one which after last night is completely complete and one that still needs major changes, but now I'm actually looking for agents. Okay, well one agent at the moment. After I hear from her, I'll look into what I need to do. I just want to get this first one out of the way and see how I handle whatever comes at me.

If she likes it and wants to see more, awesome! That's what I've wanted. If not, I know that I need to work on my query and send it out to the other agents that I've researched. Deep breath.

I'm really preparing myself for rejection. Not because I'm expecting it but because I know that's what I'll have a problem handling. I'm not good with rejection, never have been, so I know I need to be prepared.

But I'll share something with you right now that I haven't told a single soul: I'm proud of myself.

I'm not the kind of person that pats herself on the back. I'm actually the polar opposite. Many people in my life get on me about being too hard on myself, so the fact that I just typed that I'm proud of myself is kind of a breakthrough.

I just feel like, not only have a written a book, (two, actually) but I'm putting myself out there. Good or bad, I'm doing what I've always wanted to do. I'm putting my ego on the line for my dreams. That's huge. And now I have a huge amount of respect for people who've been doing this for years, whether it's actors, writers, artists or anyone that has put so much time/care/love/heartache/feeling/energy into something and then just puts it out to the universe and yells, "Judge me!"

It's a big deal. And I, my friends, just did that.

Anyway, the agent posted that she should be getting back to everyone who queried by Tuesday, (deep breath) so I'll know either way by then, and I'll definitely post here when I know something.

Fingers crossed.

-B

Labels: Agents.

Mood: Excited and nervous

What I'm Listening to: CNN on TV

So, it's late and I just finished what I think might be the final revisions of the new book. I may look over it again tomorrow but time is running out. Why? Because a few days ago I heard about an agent, an agent I'm very interested in, that is taking query's in the comment of her blog. One paragraph about the project, one paragraph about me and then my contact info. Here's the kicker: her deadline is Friday. And it's Tuesday... well, Wednesday, if we're being technical. That leaves me two days until she doesn't want to hear it anymore.

Which is fine because my paragraphs are done, (unless I freak out and change them... again) and as I said, I think I'm done editing. I also feel like I might be sick, but whatever, you know? It's all part of the game, I think.

Honestly, people, I'm nervous. Like butterflies-with-spiked-wings-in-the-stomach nervous.

I love this book. I do. Even if I do freak out and call my best friend, who has read every page, (I love her) and freaked out because I momentarily hate it, I still love it. But really, what do I know? I'm just a Wannabe Author.

I plan to send my query in the next day or two. I'll keep the blog updated. Then of course, when I hear something, good or not, I'll post it. Rejection is part of the process, although I'm hoping to avoid it, I understand it. I think. Okay, I know it will suck. Really bad.

Off to not sleep now.

-B

Labels: Agents.