Author Wannabe...

Limbo...

2007-10-21T12:16:00.000-07:00

Mood: Restless

What I'm watching right now: Martinsville NASCAR race

So I kind of feel like I'm in limbo. I'm waiting on word from some people on the book right now and I also need to send out a few more fulls and partials that need to be sent in the mail, other than that... nothing.

I still feel like I *hypothetically* want to make the changes that the *hypothetical* agent and I talked about a few weeks ago. I think they will make my book better, but all of that depends on what happens with the rest of the submissions that I have out right now. Like I said: limbo.

I've started another book, but by started I mean I have about ten pages that I'm not over the moon about. When I first started writing my Current Book, I couldn't get enough. I'm not sure if it was because I had my best friend reading it as I wrote it or because I knew it was a good one. Either way, that's not happening with the New One. I like it, it could be good but I could also read another Davidson book, ya follow me?

There's also the issue of the First Book. The book that took me a year and a half to write. I love that book, but out of fear or something, I can't seem to get back to it. I know it's good, I know it's a great idea but I also know that it needs to be overhauled. Writing the Current Book showed me what it was like to write a good book and I know that the First Book needs to be like.

I guess it was just such an overwhelming process for me that it's almost scary to go back there. But I need to, because I have something there, I just need to make it great.

On top of all of this, I'm starting a new job tomorrow, and I'm seriously considering going back to school in January... because I'm a masochist, I think.

Why can't I find someone to pay me to watch MTV or HGTV all day? That's a job I could excel at!

No news yet.

-B

Real World Stuff...

2007-10-17T13:22:00.001-07:00

Mood: Productive!

What I'm watching right now: Jeopardy

So I just finished updating my Read in '07 list, and as you might see, I've been reading Mary Janice Davidson lately. These were the books I mentioned before but couldn't remember her name. Now I can talk about how hilarious these books are!

I love, love, love these books! I literally laughed out loud through the whole series, (actually, I still haven't read Undead and Unemployed. It's on hold at the library, and before you ask, yes, I'm totally buying these now.) I actually read them out of order and had no problem catching up. I was, in fact, completely bummed when I finished the stack of her books I had because I knew I wouldn't be laughing my literary ass off as I had been. They are that funny. I actually have a signed copy of Undead and Unappreciated that I picked up at Barnes & Noble, so I'm super excited about that.

In other news, I have no news. Really. Sort of. Nothing big, anyway. The agent thing is still chugging along nicely, but there's nothing worth blogging about right now.

I've been doing a lot of non-book things this week, which has actually been a much needed break for me, I think. It's good to not live the book for a while. Especially before I have to dive back in.

Anyway, I think that's it for today. Go read Mary Janice Davidson Undead series, like now. Also, get Fourth Comings by Megan McCafferty, (if you're all caught up, of course) it's one of the most honest books I've ever read. Especially for someone who is the exact age of Jessica Darling. (That would be me.)

-B

New Digs...

2007-10-14T20:11:00.000-07:00

Mood: Hopeful

What I'm Watching Right Now: Football

So, how do you like the place? I know this layout is a little dark but the moment I saw that little "Pull" tag, (go ahead, click it!) I was a goner. Hopefully you guys, (yes, all two of you!) will like is as much as I do.

It actually took me all night to get this thing up and going so I have to get off of this computer soon, but a small update:

Things are still progressing. I have some mail to send and I'm waiting for some news, (Hi, I'm Vague) but other than that, all is quiet.

Last week stressed me out so much I've sort of taken this week off from the book. Ideas for revisions are still popping up but I have to wait to hear from some people before I dig in, so to speak.

I've been reading like a crazy person though and I'll soon have a series to add to the Read in 2007 list, which you have to scroll all the way down to see these days. If I could remember the authors name right now, I would tell you how smart and flippin' hilarious she is, but I can't so I won't. Maybe another post.

Anyway, I have some real life, non-book things to do tomorrow, so I better go. Enjoy navigating the new digs. :)

-B

Just keep your mouth shut...

2007-10-09T11:24:00.000-07:00

Mood: Can't be summed up into one, or even two, moods

What I'm watching right now: MSNBC

Just in case I didn't get the point across in my last post, this whole agent thing is hard.

I wish that there was a part of me that could sit back and say, "Wow, what's happening now is great. No matter how it turns out, this is a good sign." But I can't. Wanna know why?

Because I can't manage to keep my mouth shut! Let's just say, hypothetically of course, that I was talking to an agent and they have ideas about my book, and I love %99 of them but there are a few, (huge) issues but I'm open to them, but in the (amazing) difficulties of life, another agent (or more) has a full and the smart thing to do would be to wait that out before making changes and sending it back to hypothetical agent. "Awesome!" I should have (hypothetically) said, "I'll get to work on it and we'll see how it turns out. I'll let you know when I'm ready to work on the big stuff."

Not say, "I think I'll work on it now and send it back to you anyway." No. No. No.

Now, in my defense, it was late and I was out of my mind. I realize now that I should have just left that part out because, of course, said agent doesn't (hypothetically) want to see it again until we can talk about the big changes that I'm not willing to make just yet. But I blabbered, people. To an agent.

This is what happens when you're 22, dealing with agents (hypothetically, of course) for the first time and really digging the hypothetical agent's ideas. Oh and talking through e-mails that you can't unsend.

It reminds me of high school relationships. When you say something to that really cute guy or girl and then realize later that you sounded like an idiot and you're all, "Why did I say that?!" Yeah, that's me right now. Also, there's the whole, "But what does that mean?" part that you always go through when dealing with those high school issues. You guessed it, going through that now too.

I just want to make my book the best book it can be. Agents are obviously important to the publishing process but dammit, so is making my book great.

This post isn't making any sense, (thus is my life) but I just needed to rant a little. If I could go into detail and not seem like I was bragging/complaining I would, but I'm not sure that's a great idea. Just know that this is hard. Hopefully the hypothetical agent realizes that I'm just a writer eager to write a good book and that's why I'm so damn eager. And hopefully said hypothetical agents won't think I'm an idiot. Because I think I might seem like one right now.

Also, big question. Do you go with an agent that wants you or fight for the agents you really, really want? That's not to say that a) I have an offer or b) that I don't think that all of the (hypothetical) agents I'm talking to aren't awesome. But if faced with that, what the hell do you do??

Like I said: Hard.

I think I'll go hide under the covers now.

Rule #1 when searching for agents: Just shut up.

-B

This is hard!

2007-10-02T20:17:00.000-07:00

Mood: Oh, who knows?

What I'm Watching Right Now: The 11 o'clock news

So this agent thing might be harder than actually writing a book. That isn't to say it's going bad. I'm actually surprised at the reaction I've gotten so far. Obviously I don't want to go into detail because naming names isn't cool, plus actually writing the number of times I've been rejected is depressing, but they haven't all been rejections, folks. No news yet though. We'll see...

Back to this being hard. I think some people might look at writers and think that it must be the easiest job in the world. We just sit around our computers making up stories in our pajamas, eating bon bons or something. Not so much.

I mean, yes to the pajamas and boy do I wish I had some bon bons, but besides that, this is hard, hard stuff. Think about it, we need the creativity and dedication to think up, write and finish books. Then there's the editing, (my least favorite part) and then just when you think you've got your book right, you send it out to agents and some of them reject you, some of them say it's good but needs work and maybe, just maybe, someone loves it. Hard, hard, hard.

I've said this before but putting yourself out there to be judged and/or rejected is one of the toughest things a human being can do, and we have to do it just to get started.

Now, I'm not really complaining, since a) I'm not published yet and b) it's sure as hell better than crunching numbers, (unless, of course, crunching numbers is your passion, then it's totally cool) and looking at a future without writing. At least for me.

I've been trying to explain what this process is like to my friends and family, and I still don't think I've been able to express it properly. Even the good stuff is nerve wracking. Let's just say, hypothetically of course, that an agent wants to see your partial or full manuscript, that's awesome... for about five minutes. Until you realize that now you have to send your "baby" off to someone to say whether they like it or not. Yeah, that pretty much sucks the fun out of that.

Although that five minutes is pretty freakin' awesome. I'm just guessing, because I don't know YET, that finally getting an agent and then obviously being published makes it all worth it.

Hopefully that will happen to me and I'll let you know. ;)

-B

The first cut is the deepest...

2007-09-16T22:24:00.000-07:00

Mood: No idea.

What I'm Listening to Right Now: I should really change this to "What I'm Watching Right now" because, seriously, I watch so much more TV than I listen to music. It's something to think about...

Anyway, this just in, I've been rejected. It's cool. Sort of. I mean, the agent was very, very gracious about it and even said, (although I'm not sure if this is the normal rejection thing) that my idea was intriguing but just not right for her list. And I'm cool with that. I think. Intriguing is good, right? I mean, she didn't say, "For the love of God, stop writing!" ya know?

Am I bummed? Oh hells yeah. But I'll get over it. I might actually already be over it.

My first reaction was to open up Word and start working on the next query, which I think is a good sign. I didn't, say, go hide under the covers in my bed and cry myself a river or perhaps, try to throw myself out of my first story window, which would not only be silly but embarrassing, since there is a hill there and some rolling would certainly be involved.

So I think I'm handling this well. I plan to send out an e-query or two tomorrow; one to an agent that I'm kind of attached to. It's scary but it needs to be done, and if she's not interested, I'll move along to the other agents I've researched.

This is me being super grownup, by the way. Just thought you should know.

So there it is, my first rejection. It might be the last rejection that I talk about, (or perhaps the last, in general because my fairy godagent is out there waiting) just because I don't like to focus on the negative. I just thought this should be documented, since it's the first one and all.

So there. The process has begun. And I'm okay. Really. (I'm surprised how true this actually is.)

Night everyone!

-B

I just did that...

2007-09-15T14:00:00.001-07:00

Mood: Good but still anxious

What I'm Listening to Right Now: Red Sox v. Yankees on TV

So, Thursday at around 8 o'clock at night, I sent in my comment query to the agent I mentioned in my previous post. It's the first time I've queried an agent at all, and it was a big moment for me. I think I'm actually feeling what I thought I'd feel when I finished both of my books. That whole, "Holy crap, I just did that," feeling.

I mean, not only have I written two books, one which after last night is completely complete and one that still needs major changes, but now I'm actually looking for agents. Okay, well one agent at the moment. After I hear from her, I'll look into what I need to do. I just want to get this first one out of the way and see how I handle whatever comes at me.

If she likes it and wants to see more, awesome! That's what I've wanted. If not, I know that I need to work on my query and send it out to the other agents that I've researched. Deep breath.

I'm really preparing myself for rejection. Not because I'm expecting it but because I know that's what I'll have a problem handling. I'm not good with rejection, never have been, so I know I need to be prepared.

But I'll share something with you right now that I haven't told a single soul: I'm proud of myself.

I'm not the kind of person that pats herself on the back. I'm actually the polar opposite. Many people in my life get on me about being too hard on myself, so the fact that I just typed that I'm proud of myself is kind of a breakthrough.

I just feel like, not only have a written a book, (two, actually) but I'm putting myself out there. Good or bad, I'm doing what I've always wanted to do. I'm putting my ego on the line for my dreams. That's huge. And now I have a huge amount of respect for people who've been doing this for years, whether it's actors, writers, artists or anyone that has put so much time/care/love/heartache/feeling/energy into something and then just puts it out to the universe and yells, "Judge me!"

It's a big deal. And I, my friends, just did that.

Anyway, the agent posted that she should be getting back to everyone who queried by Tuesday, (deep breath) so I'll know either way by then, and I'll definitely post here when I know something.

Fingers crossed.

-B

It's about that time...

2007-09-11T23:19:00.000-07:00

Mood: Excited and nervous

What I'm Listening to: CNN on TV

So, it's late and I just finished what I think might be the final revisions of the new book. I may look over it again tomorrow but time is running out. Why? Because a few days ago I heard about an agent, an agent I'm very interested in, that is taking query's in the comment of her blog. One paragraph about the project, one paragraph about me and then my contact info. Here's the kicker: her deadline is Friday. And it's Tuesday... well, Wednesday, if we're being technical. That leaves me two days until she doesn't want to hear it anymore.

Which is fine because my paragraphs are done, (unless I freak out and change them... again) and as I said, I think I'm done editing. I also feel like I might be sick, but whatever, you know? It's all part of the game, I think.

Honestly, people, I'm nervous. Like butterflies-with-spiked-wings-in-the-stomach nervous.

I love this book. I do. Even if I do freak out and call my best friend, who has read every page, (I love her) and freaked out because I momentarily hate it, I still love it. But really, what do I know? I'm just a Wannabe Author.

I plan to send my query in the next day or two. I'll keep the blog updated. Then of course, when I hear something, good or not, I'll post it. Rejection is part of the process, although I'm hoping to avoid it, I understand it. I think. Okay, I know it will suck. Really bad.

Off to not sleep now.

-B

Done in under a month...

2007-08-28T15:09:00.000-07:00

Mood: Good but a teeny bit insecure.

What I'm Listening To Right Now: ESPN on TV

So I finished the book last week, one day shy of the one month of writing mark. I can't tell you how strange that is. It still boggles the mind that I, the person that took a year and a half to writer her first book, wrote a book that I'm completely proud of in a month.

But I swear I'll stop talking about that.

Now it's time for the important stuff. I need to take the next week or so and edit the book and get it just the way I like it. It's strange but there isn't actually a lot that I feel like I need to change. There are a few small things that I know I need to switch around and tweak but otherwise, I actually like my first draft a lot. Again, weird.

The other task at hand is my query letter, which is the letter that I write to literary agents explaining why I'd like them to represent me, the plot of my book and who I am. In one page. One. Yeah... that won't be hard at all.

And I'm not freaking out about it in the least, if that's what you're thinking. Totally not. Psst. No. Not worried at all.

Okay, so I sort of couldn't sleep last night. And my workout suffered a little today when I would stop suddenly and have to take a deep breath, not out of cardiovascular necessity, but because I thought I might hyperventilate.

Other than that though, I'm totally cool with it.

The next few months will be a very interesting time for me. I'm scared, excited, nervous, insecure and secure. I mean, I love this book, I really do. But that confidence wavers a little when you're sending it to agents who really know their stuff.

Not to mention that the fact that I have my hopes up is such a red flag. I'm a realist. So this whole "I think this is it" feeling is very, very new.

Fingers crossed.

-B

Three weeks of crazy...

2007-08-17T15:40:00.000-07:00

Mood: Tired but content

What I'm Listening To Right Now: Tucker Carlson on MSNBC

I can't even begin to explain what has gone on in the last three weeks and not giggle or shake my head or mutter "weird" a few times.

In my last post, less than a month ago, I mentioned that I was on some of the final edits of my first book. I also mentioned that I had written about ten pages of a new book that I loved.

Well, I let my best friend read those first ten pages, hoping that she would love it as much as I did because I have high hopes for it. Turns out she loved it and her enthusiasm was contagious. So I sat down one night not long after my last post and just started writing, no planning, no notes, no character traits. Nothing. The first night went well, and my best friend loved it as well. So I just kept on writing and now, no kidding, I'm almost done with the entire book.

Let's rewind, my first book, still a work in progress, although I love it so much I can't stand myself sometimes, took me a year and a half to write. It's a difficult book, with a lot of details and deep emotional issues, so I thought, "Sure, this one should take a bit longer than others."

But a MONTH? I can't even wrap my mind around the idea that I've almost written a whole book in a month. If my writing goes as it has been, (which by the way, has been writing at night, no sleep... especially not when it's actually dark outside) I might just be done by the time my sister comes down to visit on Wednesday.

I'm blowing my own mind, people. And on top of all of this, I've been reading a lot too. Normally I can't do both but I've flown through books like it's going out of style, and I haven't seen any carry over into my own story, which I'm taking as a sign.

I feel so good about this book I'm almost scared to talk about it, except I can't help it, so it's all I'm talking about.

So I'll keep the blog updated when I finish, because I'll be writing a query letter to send out to agents soon. And I mean SOON soon. Can you believe it? Me either.

By the way, I just got my hands on the Enchanted Inc. series from Shanna Swendson a few weeks ago and I fell in love. If you haven't already, read them. The second book, Once Upon Stilettos is my personal favorite but I love the others as well. Her fourth book in the series comes out April 29 (I think) so we all need to go out and buy that one too. So hopefully someone will pick up the fifth book in the series. I need more Owen in my life!

-B

Pure genious...

2007-07-22T20:55:00.000-07:00

Mood: Sad, happy and nostalgic.

What I'm Listening To Right Now: The TV in the background

With a mix of excitement, trepidation and sadness, I went to my local Barnes and Noble for the midnight release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. (Don't worry, no spoilers here.) I've never actually been to a midnight release, since I'm relatively new to the world of Harry Potter, so seeing kids dressed up in Hogwarts uniforms, (grown ups too) and hearing 18 year olds saying that they were 8 years old when they read the first book, now, heading to college, they were sad to see it go.

It literally makes me emotional to think about those girls who were headed off to college, although, after reading the book and really, and I mean really, realizing that this was the end, I've been a wreck anyway.

Harry Potter will be a classic for years, decades and centuries to come, but to be a part of the first generation of Potter fans is such an honor, such a important thing, that I just can't wrap my head around how JK Rowling must feel. The money is probably great, the fame seems as though it's something she could do without, but the honor and genius of being the person who has literally made reading books about wizards and other odd and magical things cool, must be mind boggling.

As a writer, I'm in awe of JK Rowling daily. Coming back from seeing Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix at the movie theater was a tough time for me. Not because I didn't like the movie; I loved it. But because, my (and in my opinion, every other author on the planet) storytelling pales so far in comparison to what this woman has done and hopefully will continue to do.

I came home from the movie that night and knew I had major work to do on both the plot and the character depth in my book, and I feel better about it now. This is not the only thing I credit JK Rowling with though.

Just over two years ago, I was watching a nightly news show and JK was doing an interview, as Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince had just come out. I hadn't yet read any of the Harry Potter books and honestly wasn't that interested in reading them at the time. I watched the interview anyway and saw how she talked about her characters and her story and thought that I should maybe try to write something.

See, when I was little, I wanted to be many things, but the one thing that remained constant was that I wanted to write. No matter if it was news, magazine, poems or novels, I had always wanted to tell my stories. Fiction or otherwise. In my late teens though, I got sidetracked with the thought of working in the sports business and focused all of my energy, including a college degree, into that. I hadn't written anything other than news since I was little, when I used to write short stories. I again felt the need to tell a story.

So that night, I went into my room and started writing a book. I wrote all through the summer and to this day, I love the story I began but didn't finish. But still, in my mind, I was beginning to realize that my future was turning into something I hadn't planned. I wanted to write.

That fall, I was having a hard time with life in general. I was into my first year living away from most of my family and knew that the one thing that made me feel good and helped me escape was reading. I had a library card, (and I believe you all know how much I love the library) and one night decided I would try and read the Harry Potter books.

That night I sat down and read chapter one and was pulled into the most whimsical, magical, fun and exciting world I had ever read about. After chapter one, I put down the book, shut my eyes and thought, this is going to change everything. And it did.

I was hooked. I quickly worked my way through the first four books in time for the fourth movie, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire's to be released. (I had already caught up on the first three movies.) I remember sitting in the theater, watching the credits roll and seeing JK's name come up and again I thought, I need to tell stories.

That week I came home and started brainstorming on a story I could write. I got a notebook and wrote down every idea I had, which eventually turned into a list of characters, which eventually turned into a plot. I had my book.

It took me months to sit down and actually write. This blog, although quiet a lot, has been with me since that time. It was January 1, 2006.

Now, on July 22, 2007. I'm almost done editing that story, I've started the first chapter of the book that could possibly follow it, as well as ten pages of a different story entirely.

I'm going to be a writer. A novelist. There are still many, many things that I'm going to do with my life, but none of that makes me feel the way I feel when I've written something I think people will enjoy.

Soon, I'll see if people, agents in particular, will enjoy my story, because I'll be sending it out. Fingers crossed, people. :)

All of this, because of that one interview I saw just over two years ago of a woman who was so passionate about her story, her characters and her love of books, that I felt the need to sit down and write something that very night. Maybe someday I'll finish that story but right now, I have work to do.

As soon as I can get out of the funk of knowing there will never be another Harry Potter book, of course. I feel like I've lost something, but I'm not sure what. But what I do know is, the genius of JK Rowling is undeniable.

Thanks JK. For everything.

-B

Update

2007-05-05T18:23:00.000-07:00

Mood: Restless

What I'm Listening To Right Now: A commercial on TV

Well, I'm still struggling with editing the finished book. I love the story, so it's not like I'm not interested, I think about it everyday. I still miss my characters. I've just been distracted. Lots of ideas for changes are floating around my head, and hopefully I can dig in to get them in there soon.

As far as the other project, I'm still very excited about it, I just know I can't really start it until I finish my first book. Add to all of this, that I got the first few pages of the sequel to the first book floating around in my head too. The idea came to me in the shower the other day, believe it or not.

So the only thing holding me back is finishing the first book. That needs to happen soon. I really just have to sit down, block out the rest of the world and get it done.

I read the last chapter of Book 1 the other day, for inspirado, and I remembered how much I love the ending to my book. It's really nice to read my own writing and go, "Wow, that's pretty good." That's not really how I think, although I know I have the skill, it's hard for me to be all, "I'm awesome!" With that said, the story is good, I know that.

On a better note, I'm reading again, which is nice. The fact that I haven't been reading is only further proof of my slump, so getting back to really loving stories and books again is a good sign.

I just discovered Lucy Monroe this past week and I've got to tell you, I LOVED The Real Deal. Her character, Simon, spoke to me so much it's not even funny. Number one, he's a genius, which makes him ridiculously attractive in my eyes. But it wasn't just that, it was the way his mind works and how she had him talk and communicate. He is, without a doubt, one of my favorite all time characters. Go Lucy!

Speaking of my favorite characters, I'm currently re-reading Opposite's Attract by Hailey North. I read this book for the first time about four years ago and this is my fourth or fifth re-reading. I love everything about this book, but I also love the memories it brings back for me. It was my first summer after starting college and every time I open the book, the memories of feeling so accomplished and free come back to me. Not to mention the story is set in the summertime in New Orleans, and for some reason, I always reach for the book when the weather warms up. So I'm loving it.

I also just loaded up my hold list at the library with a few more Jennifer Cruise books (love her!) along with another Lucy Monroe book. There's nothing like reading in the summertime!

Now, if I could just nail down the writing in the summertime, I'd be set!

-B

I got "it" back!

2007-03-04T00:34:00.000-08:00

Mood: Super excited

What I'm Listening To Right Now: Something by The Shins but I couldn't tell you what it is.

Okay first, sorry for not posting these last few weeks. As you could probably tell by my last few posts, I was sort of burnt out. And maybe a little lost.

It's weird but after having my head stuck in my book for the last year, I sort of felt lost without it. Granted I still have work to do, editing mainly, but still. It's a weird shock to be finished with the story - have it all out - and then have to rejoin civilization.

I think it's something akin to the movie Encino Man, where the cave man is thawed out by Pauly Shore. Anyway, it's a jolt to realize the world is still rotating is what I'm getting at.

I've spent the last month or so wandering around wondering what my point is, honestly. I've had all kinds of trouble printing out the first draft of my book, and I really need it on paper to edit, I don't know why. I blame my time at a newspaper, we always edited on paper, not screen.

There are only 80 or so pages I've managed to pry from the rigid rollers of my printer and I haven't even had the will to want to edit them. I, in other words, had lost "it."

I lost my book ambition. I was burnt out. I haven't even been reading for Lucy's sake! You know I'm in a funk when I'm not reading!

So anyway, tonight while pondering my (and my book's) future, a sentence came to me. And no I'm not kidding, it just came to be. It was followed by a few more, until I realized that I had the first paragraph to my new book!

I've had the idea clinking around in the empty space in my head for a month or so, but all of a sudden, I have my opening paragraph. I quickly got up and ran, not walked, to get my notebook and started writing.

As I sit right now, I've written four pages front and back. It's what all writers hope for, dream of and long for when they're burnt out. It's simply called "Chapter One."

::deep sigh of relief::

I have "it" back! "It" being whatever it is that makes crazies like me sit down and think they can write a book worth reading.

Not only do I want to write and do nothing else for the next week but I also want to edit my other book. I want to dive back in. I'm a writer again!

I'm soooo excited. Not only about Book One, which is my baby, but Book Two, as we'll call it for now. Although I have a title already, which is ridiculous since I still don't have a title for Book One.

In January I made the silent resolution to write two books this year, and I've already let two months slip by without nary a new word written, so it's about time. And although I think writing two books may be a stretch, I can definitely see myself polishing off Book One and finishing, and possibly polishing off, Book Two. I can SEE it. Know why? Because I got "IT" back!

I know I've never gone into detail about Book One, except it's about magic/evolution type stuff, but I'll give you a little hint about Book Two. Killing and food. That's all. ;p

Okay, now I'm going to go attempt the absolute impossible, which is sleep. My mind is racing but my body is yelling that it's almost four in the morning. We'll see which one wins...

I'm baaacccckkkk!

-B

Stalled...

2007-02-05T17:02:00.000-08:00

Mood: Frustrated

What I'm Listening To Right Now: Something on TV but I'm not really watching.

I've been stalled people. Stopped in my tracks from editing my book. A few things are responsible here, and they are as follows:

Walgreen's - Took entirely too long to refill my cartridge, which I need to print out all 351 pages. I'm not hating on them though, they have the best stuff.

My Printer - So far I've printed out 52 pages, all or most of which have had to be printed one at a time because of my next issue...

My Paper - Apparently, the paper I've had stored away doesn't agree with my printer. Whenever I get so bold as to think that it might print, say, more than three pages at once, it either doesn't pull the paper straight, or at all, or it pulls more than one piece. Or, and here's the kicker, it pulls the paper, does nothing for a moment, then pulls the paper all the way in and only prints half of the page.

::sigh::

It seems as though the universe may not want me to edit this book just now. Maybe in a few days I'll give it a try again because I'd really, really, really like to start editing. I'm ready to be creative again and I miss my characters. Is that weird? Oh well.

So anyway, I think I'll just edit the 52 pages I have and see how that goes. Meanwhile, I may have to pull an Office Space move and take my printer out to an empty field with a baseball bat. Hmm, that sounds nice...

Meanwhile, July 21st is going to be amazing. I've already let most people know that the day that Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows comes out will begin my Darks Days, in which I will be unreachable. I'll spend those days reading, crying, reading some more and then, in all likelihood, crying some more. I'll miss Harry and I'm sure with more deaths coming in the final books, I'll be grieving too.

I know it sounds silly but trust me, it's all true. I owe my future writing career to JK Rowling and Harry Potter, both of whom reminded me of my love for reading and writing that I'd thought I'd lost in all of my term papers in college.

Okay, that's enough mushy stuff for me. I'll keep you updated on Printergate.

-B

Just leave it alone...

2007-01-24T21:33:00.000-08:00

Mood: Feeling a little useless, to be honest

What I'm Listen To Right Now: The Australian Open on TV

So my last post was about how I finished my book and how weird it was. Well, nothing has changed. It's still weird, and what makes it weirder is that I'm having a hard time being excited about it. I mean, I know how big of an accomplishment it is to dedicated so much time to something and then to actually write a full-fledged book. I get all that, but I really thought I'd be exhilarated and shouting it from the roof tops. But in all reality, I forgot to tell my best friend until last night. I don't know what's wrong with me. Maybe it's withdraw from making things up.

Think about it, I've spent over a year just telling a story, making things up. And now I'm writing sports articles and looking at some other freelance jobs, but really, I need to make things up!

And I've been fighting the urge to read my book and start making changes. I really want to take some time away from it and look at it with fresh eyes, maybe some time next week. But every once in a while I'll open up my laptop and think about reading it. Knowing that there are about 1,000 things I want, and need to fix.

Add to all of this that I'm scared to death that it's not that great and that sending it to an agent will only prove that I've wasted a year of my life caring about something that could fail. And I hate thinking that way. I'd much rather picture myself living comfortably as a writer.

Also I've been sleeping a lot, which isn't exactly strange for me; it's basically what I'm known for, but I'm sleeping even more than usual. I think it has something to do with the withdraw and the feeling useless.

I just need to shake it off. I know I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing and I know that I'm making opportunities for myself with the stuff that I'm working on now. I just need to stay focused and edit this book into the best book it can be. I know I believe in my story, I just need to tighten it up and get on with it.

There, I feel better. Thanks for reading my rant. :)

Oh, in the good news department, I did start on that stack of books I got from the library and just finished Knock Me Off My Feet by Susan Donovan. It was fantastic, and I'm about to start on another one of her books, He Loves Lucy.

-B

I'm done...

2007-01-22T01:31:00.000-08:00

Mood: Exhausted and shocked

What I'm Listening To Right Now: The Australian Open on ESPN

I'm done. I'm done with my book. I finished it. The first draft is completely done and I've written a whole book.

By the way, pardon me if I don't make sense but it's almost five am and I JUST FINISHED MY FIRST BOOK!!!

I'm in a little bit of a daze, to be honest. I thought maybe I would laugh, cry or something when I finished it but I just sort of sat there staring at the laptop wondering what I would do with my time tomorrow.

And I'm not going to lie, I thought about the stack of books I picked up from the library tonight, (yesterday? I don't know...) and how I can read them now that I'm done.

I think I'm going to take a few days and just relax a little and read. Then I'll print it out and really go through it with a fine tooth comb. I know I have a lot to fix and edit and I'm really looking forward to it. Now that I have the story out of my head I can make it really good.

I've worked on this book for over a year now and I simply cannot believe that I'm done. Honestly, this is where the pressure starts. Now it's time to make it great and send it off and hope agents think it's great. But I'm just going to enjoy this right now, I think.

Maybe I'll work out for a while tomorrow and not worry about how much writing I could be doing. I know one thing, I'm going to read a book that's not mine! :)

Oh, I went over my word total a little. I ended somewhere around 120,640 or something like that. Some of that is sure to disappear but I'm going to save everything I delete so I can laugh at my first draft in a few years. (Hopefully from the top of the Best Sellers List, ha!)

Obviously, I need to go to sleep. But I just had to get this out there because I can't believe it.

I'm done.

-B

Busy, busy...

2007-01-18T11:48:00.000-08:00

Mood: Feeling a little overwhelmed but in a good way. :)

What I'm Listening To Right Now: MSNBC on TV

I know I've said this a lot lately but seriously, I'm almost done with this book. I actually think I'll be done within weekend if I can get myself to sit down and only focus on my story and not everything else that's going on.

I've actually come to a screeching halt on my reading binge. I finished Strange Bedpersons by Jennifer Crusie a few days ago and headed back to the library to pick up something new. There was nothing. I picked up about five books and can't get into any of them. So I went back onto the library's website and reserved about ten books from various authors that I love, like Carly Phillips and a few others that I can't remember right now. Now if I could just remember to go to the library to pick them up...

But actually it's good that I haven't because I'm distracted enough from my book as it is.

I just started writing for a online teen magazine called Whateverlifemagazine.com. It's an awesome site run by a young girl who started Whateverlife as a site to help people decorate their MySpaces. Anyway, it got so big she's actually making a good living off of it and wanted to start her own magazine. She's very ambitious and I like her a lot. I'm writing sports over there, which I love, so I'm distracted by thoughts of David Beckham and Andy Roddick at the moment. But no fear, I'm going to knock this book out before next week.

As a matter of a fact, I'm not going to allow myself to pick up my books from the library until I'm done. New rule! I like it.

Alright, I need to get some things done. It's been a "wintery" day here in NC. And by "wintery" I mean light sleet that shuts down the southern part of the state because they don't understand what exactly this freezing stuff is. :)

-B

Out of my cave...

2007-01-09T15:32:00.000-08:00

Mood: Feeling pretty productive, so that's always good.

What's I'm Listening To Right Now: It Ends Tonight by All American Rejects

Well, I'm pretty sure I've turned into one of those reclusive writers who doesn't talk to people and then wonders why her friends are so mad because she's been incommunicado for days.

I've gotten a few phone calls and e-mails wondering where in the hell I've been, which is good and bad. Bad because I love my friends and like talking to them, but good because that means I've been writing. And reading, obviously.

I've actually made a deal with myself that as long as I write a good amount everyday, I don't have to feel guilty about reading a ridiculous amount everyday as well. Either way, I feel oddly official since I've seen other writers talk about going through these same "Cave Days."

Another sign that I've been writing a lot is that I've had the tendency to put a quotation marks on everything I write. I do this when I've been writing a lot of talkative scenes that my characters seem to have a lot, and I almost sent an entire e-mail in quotes. Yay me.

So excuse any odd quotation marks in the next few days.

I'm off the read.

-B

I'm a reading machine...

2007-01-08T14:46:00.000-08:00

Mood: Contemplative

What I'm Listening To Right Now: Waiting on the World to Change by John Mayer

I've been wearing the plastic cover right off of my library card since the New Year. Leave it to me to take the idea of keeping track of what I read as a personal competition with myself. In the last week, I've read three books and put a serious dent in another last night. I think I'll be finishing Bet Me by Jennifer Crusie tonight before I go to bed.

As I said before, I'm knocking out all of Jennifer Crusie's books this month, and I'm on my third of the year with two more in the wings. All with the tiny interruptions from First Assistant, which I picked up at the library on a whim and The Guy Not Taken by Jennifer Weiner, which I couldn't very well leave sitting on the shelf starting at me. This is why I'm a VIP at my library, I would be broke and hungry if I bought all the books I read. Although, I do buy books from my favorite authors and books that I love. The problem with Crusie is that I end up loving them all. So they go on my To Be Bought list, simply out of self/budget preservation.

The problem with all of this reading is that I'm worried I won't be writing when I need to. I never worry about picking up someone else's voice because A) I haven't seen that it's happened since I started writing my book and B) If it does I'll notice it when I edit. But for the most part, it's not something I think about. What I do think about is the fact that I couldn't put down Bet Me last night and only made myself go to bed when I saw that the sun was coming up.

So not only does that mean that slept late today, but it also means that I'm tired and jealous, because one of my huge goals of writing is to write a book that people stay up all night to read and then go to work with puffing eyes, messed up hair and the main goal to go home and find out what happens next.

::sigh:: It'll happen.

-B

I'm a lazy, bad, lazy person...

2007-01-07T14:21:00.001-08:00

Mood: Not spectacular but okay. I just destroyed my breakfast, which to a I'm-a-good-cook-I-can-handle-this person like myself, isn't the best feeling in the world.

What I'm Listening To Right Now: This Aint No Scene, It's an Arms Race by Fall Out Boy

So, if I could just sum up my weekend for you all in a word, it would be sleep. If I had two words, they would be sleep and football. If I had nine words, they would be I Slept and Watched My Football Team Lose Horribly. All of this ends up with me not writing a book, that's for sure.

I've been writing this book for so long now, you would think that I was be more disciplined in the way, or how much, I write. Then again, if I was disciplined perhaps I would be done by now. I'm a walking contradiction these days.

Anyway, I've pretty much figured out that if I'm not a lazy, bad, lazy person I can finish this book in about two weeks. There's just really not much left that needs to happen before my finals scenes. Then I just have to rip the book apart in editing, put it back together and I'm smooth sailing.

I'm know I'm being very scatter-brained in this post and I apologize, but I've just been feeling very lazy lately. It may have something to do with the fact that I hurt my ankle and can't workout, thus feeling like I sit on the couch all day. (Which is totally a doctor's recommendation, by the way.) And being a writer doesn't help when you basically just sit in front of a computer, preferably on the couch, and write in between being a procrastinator and checking your e-mail.

Not to mention that my other big project that I'm working on requires surfing the net and networking online, so I basically feel like I'm procrastinating even when I'm working. I'm a mess, I tell ya.

I need to get that writer's confidence that I've seen other writers have when somebody comes up to them and says, "I could totally write a book, that seems easy enough." Then they reply with, "Then go write a book and get back to me with how easy it is, stupidhead."

Okay, so maybe other writers don't use the term stupidhead, but it's completely on point to people who say things like that. Writing a book is hard, even if I do get to do it while sitting on a couch.

-B

Taking it back...

2007-01-03T21:07:00.000-08:00

Mood: Good... I know, boring but true.

What I'm Listening To Right Now: How To Save A Life by The Fray

Operation Taking My Plot Back From My Characters has commenced. I sat down today and roughly plotted out what needs to happen in the rest of the book, and also more tightly plotted out what will happen in the next few chapters. Surprisingly enough, there's not much left. It's jarring to look at it and think, "Oh, so now I need to prepare for some rejections..."

Because I'm not stupid, I know when I send my book out to agents, it will get rejected, that's what agents do. But, in my new and positive way of thinking, I'm also planning that I'll get some that think I'm brilliant. Or maybe just pretty good. I'd take that.

Anyway, enough about my book. What are you all reading? I'm on my second Jennifer Crusie book of the year, Fast Women. I read and loved her book Welcome To Temptation last year and I picked up Don't Look Down a week or so ago at the library and really enjoyed it too. I think it was the third Crusie book I've read, so I put a few more on hold at the library.

I do this type of thing a lot. I find an author that I like and read everything they write. I'm very loyal that way, especially about books. I won't even get into how, besides the library, I don't get books from anywhere but Barnes & Noble. You should see my attitude on the rare occasion that I go into Borders. :)

I'd love any suggestions of good, light-hearted books. As much as I love drama, especially writing it, I like lighter stuff when I'm just reading. It helps me relax. So let me know.

Okay, that's it for me tonight. I'm off to start Fast Women.

-B

Rambling Woman...

2007-01-02T22:08:00.000-08:00

Mood: Good but a tad bit frustrated.

What I'm Listening to Right Now: Fidelity by Regina Spektor

So I got back to writing today, after the holiday of laziness, and I've realized that my book is front heavy. A lot of stuff happens in the first half of the book, and then not so much happens in the end until the BIG finish.

So I've been writing fun scenes of my characters just being normal, (or as normal as they can be, anyway) and I'm thinking that when I'm done, I'm going to have to go back through and move some things that happen to them from the beginning to the end, although I'm sort of between a rock and a hard place because certain things have to happen at certain times in order for the story to work.

I think tomorrow, which is my day off, (yes, I know taking a day off the day after you start isn't promising but it's the only day I can make work) I'm going to sit down with my pen and notebook and plot some things out. I feel like I need to take a look at everything again, get a grasp of what's going on. I know it sounds crazy but I feel like my characters and their personal lives have taken my plot captive. I need to get the story told while they need to worry about boys and girls. I'm taking it back tomorrow!

So my "off day" technically won't be off, but whatever. Plotting is one of my favorite parts of writing, so I'm not hurting or anything.

Alrighty, it's off to bed with me.

I hope everyone's New Year is going well so far.

P.S. I'll be updating my progress on my little word counter soon, I promise.

-B

New Years... again...

2007-01-01T20:52:00.000-08:00

Mood: Optimistic

What I'm Listening To: Jay Leno on TV

Boy, this feels familiar! It seems like just yesterday I started this place with the idea to write a book, and now here I am, a year later still not done! It's going to happen. Soon.

Just some general updates, as you all might know, I run a few other blogs. One is for Charity and the other is a better known blog called ChicksView. It's a blog about racing, run and created by me with my friend Meme. Well, in the switch over to the new google accounts that blogger is using, it seems that all of my blogs were put under one account, meaning that they are all listed together and therefore when I post now it is under RaceChick. Which is silly. I don't like it, but honestly, I don't know how to fix it, so just know that RaceChick is me, Brandy, and that I'm working on keeping my two blog identities separate, since racing has absolutely nothing to do with this blog, or my book.

Whew. Well, there.

Now about the book.

I really feel like I'm in the home-stretch now. I really feel like if I put my head down I can have it done by the end of January. Which slightly goes over my deadline of Summer 2006, but you know... stuff happens.

I'm finally getting to the parts that I've been thinking about forever. I saw that JK Rowling said that about writing the last book in the Harry Potter series, and honestly, I can't even imagine what she must be going through. It's exciting for me, but a little overwhelming because I've had such big plans for over a year and now I have to write them and how will they hold up to what I've had in my mind, and so on. She's had amazing, genius ideas for over a decade! Again I'll say, the woman is awesome. Bottom line.

Lately I seem to be having the problem of getting off track, which is sort of funny because I'm working hard to get to the dramatic ending and yet my characters seem to want to talk about prom. I don't know how it happens, so don't ask, but it's funny that this book has turned into such a normal-girl book, even though she has some pretty crazy things happening around her. I'm really happy with it, to be honest with you, because I didn't want this to be a book about magic, evolution or science, as much as I wanted it to be a book about a girl, who happens to have all of those things going on around her. So I'm on my way, it seems.

So I won't bore you anymore with my vague description of my book, which I don't want to go into too much detail about. But I will! I will! When the time is right.

The next few months are looking like they will be the most exciting, scary, dramatic, awesome months of my life (eek!) but I'm looking forward to them. And looking forward to sharing them with you all!

:)

-B

Well, hello there, Stranger...

2006-12-20T18:55:00.000-08:00

Well hey there!

I realize it's been about 45 years since I last wrote on here... Okay, not 45 years but a really long time.

I realized a few minutes ago that it was almost a year ago exactly that I decided to start this blog to write about my book. It's scary to think that A) I've been writing this blog for that long but B) That I'm still not done with this flippin' book yet!

That's right, I'm not done yet. But I am making progress. And considering that I've re-written the first part of the book twice, I think I'm doing okay. I wanted to be done by Christmas, but a bout of laziness has hit me in the last week or so and I haven't gotten anything done.

I did finally get that laptop I was talking about though, which has really helped with my writing. I just need to make myself do it, but with that laziness and whatnot, it just hasn't happened this month.

I'm feeling ready good about where I'm headed with the book, and I'm super excited about writing the finals scenes, which as noted before, I've been planning for a year!

Also, in the last few months I've nailed down what can possibly happen in the next three books in the series, assuming that an agent wants them. Crazy, huh? Just a few little ideas led to all of that.

So the plan is to get this book out to an agent early in the new year, and hopefully get this book sold, and hopefully more.

Until then though, I've already got a few ideas for other books that I'm going to start working on while this book is out to agents.

One that's been tinkering around in my head is another Young Adult, but a little older than the one I'm working on now. I really want to write a fun book, because of how complicated this one has turned out to be. So that one is going to be about a really quirky family. That's really all I know right now, but I'll let you know when I know. :)

So those are my plans for next year. Write, write, write.

In fact, I'll be writing even more because I plan on taking on some freelance writing jobs. So it's a good thing I got this laptop, since it's basically turning into another appendage!

Anyway, this week is going to be nuts with Christmas coming up, but after that I promise that I'll be back here, keeping you guys updated on me, ((finally!)) finishing this book, sending it out to agents, hopefully getting a deal, and then writing some more!

Have a GREAT Christmas everyone. I'll be back here in January.

-B

Scaring myself...

2006-10-04T15:38:00.000-07:00

Mood: Good. I've had a couple of really productive days and that always makes me happy.

What I'm Listening To: The Mets game. Playoffs. Woohoo.

So in all of my rewrites, I've had to rethink some things. And some of those things have been written down and planned since I started writing this book, ten months ago. So it's weird and somewhat hard to go back and change them, even when I know I'm doing the right thing.

Anyway, yesterday I was changing the names of some things in the story and thinking up bad things that could happen to people. I'm talking some of the worst things a bad person would do to a good person. And I freaked myself out!

I came up with an idea of what my "bad guys" could do and after I ran the idea by my mom and got a strange look, I thought about it and literally my first words were, "Ew, I'm so gross!"

But I'm thinking that's a good thing, right? I mean, it's supposed to be bad. These aren't nice people, so they should do things that would creep someone out... right? Please tell me I'm not some closet sociopath and don't know it! Really, I'm a nice person. I like to cook and watch sports and recylce and everything!

I'm not crazy, I'm not crazy...

Have a great day everybody.

Big changes...

2006-09-29T11:22:00.002-07:00

Mood: Good but tired.

What I'm Listening to Right Now: "My Love" by Justin Timberlake (Yes, I still love him.)

Okay, so in my last post I talked about all of the things I was going to be doing to change in the book. Well, my friends, that was nothing.

I was sitting on the couch watching TV Sunday night when all of a sudden I sat straight up, looked at my mom and said something along the lines of, "What if they weren't this but this? And what if I changed the first scene in the book to two other people talking about what they are? And what if I focused more on this?" and so on and so on. Her words were simple but said it all, "I like it."

So basically, I've changed some major things in my book.

When I first started, the book was going to evolve mainly around magic, which it still does in some ways now but that's changed a lot. Now we're dealing with a different type of magic and people who do things that are perceived as magic although really it's just because of the way they use their brains. Or more like, how much of their brains they use.

I know it sounds confusing but, honestly, I love it.

The only thing about the changes are A) I have to go back through the book to make them which is slowing the writing process down and B) It's making me uncomfortable to change the story this much after such a long time writing it.

Don't get me wrong, I feel like I'm making the right decision by changing these things but, just imagine if you have been reading a book for a while and then all of a sudden it started to change. That's how I feel. I mean, the story is going to remain the same but the back story is going to be different, which is weird to me because what I've had in my head about my charactors (who I love more and more everyday, by the way) has changed. They're aware of things earlier in the book now, and so they view things differently because of that.

It's all very confusing, and since I feel like the Mama of these charactors, seeing them change is very weird.

I know, I'm crazy, but I think I've got a pretty good book on my hands if that counts for anything.

Have a good day everybody.

**By the way, I typed this really fast and my spell check doesn't seem to be working, so if I spelled anything wrong, I apoligize in advance.**

Triple R...

2006-09-13T14:35:00.000-07:00

Mood: It's been better, but then again, it's raining and dreary.

What I'm Listening To Right Now: Nothing, but I have the Food Network on TV

So, there are three R's that keep popping up in my life while writing this book. Realization, Re-Organizing and Re-Writing. Ugh. Enough with the "R's" already!

Last night, while watching $40 A Day, a thought popped into my mind about a big scene I have coming up. The following conversation happened between the two parts of my brain. We'll call them First Self and Other Self. Enjoy.

First Self: "You have a similar scene like that at the end of the book. Other Self, do you think maybe that could be redundant, since the book is going to be so action packed from that scene to the one at the end?"
Other Self: "But First Self, I've really been looking forward to writing this scene and getting some action in this book finally. But... It would shorten up the book, and you're right, it could be redundant."
First Self: "Good, then it's settled, we'll just take that part out, for now, and add to it for the ending scene. It's basically all laid out, we'll just need to make it a bit more dramatic, since we were holding back on it before. Just a little re-writing. No biggie."
Other Self: "Wait, not just a little re-writing. I've spent the last few chapters building up to this. It'll be A LOT of re-writing AND what am I going to fill it with?!?"
First Self: "Listen, it will make the book better and shorter. You do know you're going to have to cut out about 30,000 words, the way your headed? Let's go get in the bath and think about it."
Other Self: "I don't want to get in the bath! I just want to write what I had planned! And I think you're over-estimating it with 30,000 words! More like 29,999... at the most. Really, we'll be fine."

That's basically how it went. And oh by the way, First Self won. Realization has set in. Now it's time for the re-organizing, and re-writing. Yippee.

And I did have the realization the other day that my book is too long. It's already at or over what most Young Adult books are. Oh boy. Didn't plan that one out well. But it's okay. I'm actually looking forward to going back (when I'm finished) and fixing everything. I really love editing, so it should be fine. I just need to get all of it out, the rest should be fun for me. Really.

Have a good day guys.

Hellooooooooooooooooooooo Blog Universe!

2006-09-06T14:12:00.000-07:00

Mood: Great. Super. Awesome. Fantastic. Optimistic. Get it? Good.

What I'm Listening To Right Now: "Here It Goes Again" by OK Go

So... guess whose writer's block is OVER!?!?! Or Ova!! As the cool guy from the original Iron Chef says?!?! Guess yet?? That would be ME!!!

That's right, I have slate the huge, gigantic dragon of a wall that is sometimes called writer's block and today, just an hour ago, wrote my first chapter in almost a month. A MONTH!

And you know what? I like it. I mean, I really like it. Like, I think I'm really hitting my flow with my characters and their personalities. Smart-ass comments are just rolling off their tongues now, which is a great sign for me.

Anyway, I'm off to finish doing the dance that I've now named the "I'm back!" dance. It's going to sweep the nation soon.

Have a great day.

Huge, gigantic, enormous wall...

2006-08-22T11:16:00.000-07:00

Mood: Frustrated but hopeful

What I'm Listening To Right Now: Emeril on Food Network

Well, obviously I haven't posted in a while and that has mainly been out of frustration. I've hit a wall with my writing that I don't understand. I don't think it's writer's block since I already know what's going to happen in my story. Unless Writer's Block is defined a different way. Something like "Cannot find a creative bone in body, thus no writing." Then, I might have Writer's Block.

I just haven't been able to force myself to sit down and write. I've talked to a few people who think it's because I'm so near that end of my book that subconsciously, I've stopped myself from writing because I'm scared of what could happen after that; good or bad. And they may be right, but it still makes me mad!

I want to finish this book so bad I can't see straight, and yet here I am blogging; not writing.

I've taken some steps recently to try to get my head back in the story though. Things like sitting my pile of notebooks on my lap and staring at them. Hoping that just seeing the notes that I've made over the last nine months will spur some creativity. Yesterday was the first time in almost three weeks where I got a rumbling of creativity by looking at my notes. I even made a few new ones.

Today I feel like I might be able to write. Normally I get that lightening-just-struck feeling of "I need to write, right this second!" and I haven't had that in a while.

Now, that's not to say I haven't been thinking about my book. I don't actually think there has been a day that I haven't thought about it, but it's been in weird ways. Instead of me playing out new scenes in my head, or planning for something coming up, it's just little flashes of my characters.

For instance, a few times I've seen something or someone on TV that has reminded me of some of my characters. Sort of like seeing someone that reminds you of an old friend, which I think in all reality might be a good sign. The characters are still alive and well in my head and I still find them and the story really interesting. I just can't seem to write it!

On a brighter note though, it was sort of nice looking at my story with fresh eyes in the past few days. I've always heard it's good to put your story up for a while and then look at it again and see what you like and don't like. And I had a few of those moments yesterday, so maybe this little block of mine will have a bright side. I just hope that the bright side includes finishing it soon.

So, I'm on a search for lost creativity. I'll keep you all updated.

Have a great day.

Work work work

2006-07-26T11:38:00.000-07:00

Mood: Good. I'm feeling pretty ambitious today.

What I'm Listening To Right Now: "SexyBack" by Justin Timberlake

First off, how great is Justin Timberlake? I actually sat through most of TRL yesterday to watch the premiere of his new video. I felt 14 all over again, and I have to tell you, it was phenomenal. Both the video and feeling giddy that Justin has a new CD coming out. Some things will never change...

Anyway, I've been writing a lot more lately, and steadily becoming more nervous about sending out query letters to agents. Damn that fear of rejection! I know it's going to happen though. It's just time to lock it up and do it. Well, when the book's done anyway.

Now that I've figured out that if I write 3,000 words a day, I can be done in 17 days, I've been more motivated to write. I've even thought about putting myself on a self-implemented deadline, just to see how I work with them. It's just something I'm thinking about, but right now I have myself on the lose deadline of being done by August 20-ish. That gives me a little less than a month, for work that should only take 17 days. I'm probably taking it too easy on myself, but I need babysteps!

I had my first experience with writing a scene yesterday and then realizing that I had Dani, my character, do something that I new deep down she wouldn't do. It wasn't anything earth shattering, but just a small scene where she did something out of character. So I'm pretty sure I'll be re-writing that today, since her stepping out of character really did nothing to further the story. I can fit the point that I wanted it to make somewhere else.

I can't even begin to tell you all how nervous I'm getting now that the end is in sight. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and I'm pretty sure it's a train speeding at me at about 110mph. Aghhh!

I'll be fine... I think. Well, I'm pretty sure anyway. I mean, I'll be a fine as an already crazy person can be, you know?

Have a good day guys!

Loser: Reporting for Duty...

2006-07-20T10:56:00.000-07:00

Mood: Feeling pretty lazy...

What I'm Listening to Right Now: "Invisible" by Ashlee Simpson

Just a small update on Shanna Swendson, who is making me feel like a complete loser for writing so fast that it makes me feel completely inadequate... She'll be finishing the first draft of her book today. I know, I can't believe it either. She has literally started and finished a book in the time I've written about three chapters or so. I know this is my first book, and I also realize that I've been kind of lazy about writing in the past few weeks, but good lord. I am not worthy.

Although, I've got to tell you, I know that I can probably finish my book pretty fast if I could just stop being such a dork about it. I figured the other day that if I write around 3,000 words a day, for seventeen days straight, I'll be done with my book. You would think that would be enough motivation for me to write my rear-end off but not so. I'm just that much of a slacker.

And to be honest, that kind of scares me. I mean, after I get this draft done, all I have to do is go back and change some things and really make sure it's right and then I need to start sending it off to agent. Agents!! I know!

The thing is, I've fully prepared myself for rejection, because even though I'm confident in my book and my story, I know some people won't like it and will reject me. I've got that in my head, but I'm still not sure how I will deal with it when it actually happens.

All I have to say is that this blog will get really interesting sometime in the fall. Eeek!

Have a great day everybody.

I'm halfway done! I'm halfway done!

2006-07-12T13:12:00.000-07:00

Mood: I'm feeling good, but I need to be more productive

What I'm Listening To Right Now: "Iron Man" by Black Sabbath

So... I'm halfway done! Yeah, I just had to mention that again, just in case you didn't see it in the subject line.

Actually, if I'm being honest, in the crazy/messy/scattered place that I call my head, I'm not halfway done. But according to my new, fancy word counter, I am. Which is cool, because if I hadn't gotten off track, (again!) then I would probably be at the point where half of the things I planned on happening, would have happened.

But they didn't because things just keep popping up. I swear, you'd think the characters were writing this book and not me. I'm totally not in the driver's seat anymore, really. They've taken over! haha.

I wrote a couple thousand words the other day, which sounds impressive, but it's so not. I should be writing a lot more than that. I didn't write at all yesterday and up to this point, I haven't written anything today either. Although, I do plan to take a break from the computer, (which I've been on ALL DAY) and then I'll come back and write, what will hopefully be, the rest of chapter 21.

I think chapter 21 will soon become The Other Chapter That Almost Killed Me. Do you remember the first CTAKM?? I do, and it wasn't pretty.

Anyway, I should go take that break now, so I can get back and get writing.

Have a good day everybody!

Getting my head back into it...

2006-07-10T14:02:00.000-07:00

Mood: Good, I've been productive today, so you can always count on me being happy about that.

What I'm Listening to Right Now: "How to Save a Life" by The Fray (Again, I know. I'm hooked on this song right now.)

You know what happened? I got on here at the end of last week and bragged that I had written a lot that week and I felt good about it. It all went downhill after that. I did NO writing this weekend, although I did spend an hour or so on Sunday planning out some stuff that's way, way down the road. (I'm talking book 2 or 3. Call it jumping the gun if you want, but I at least needed to have it written down.)

So now here I am, on Monday afternoon... Okay evening, and I haven't written anything yet. I have however, run errands, gotten a lot of online stuff done and worked out; so I did get some things done.

Now, I'm just staring around the apartment wondering when, in between writing some of, (but not all, because it's HUGE) chapter 21, and eating and breathing, that I'm going to be able to clean. It'll happen. I know it will. It always does. Say it with me people: It's Going To Happen!

There, I feel better.

Now I just have to get my head back into the book. This always happens after the weekend, when I tend not to write as much, I sit and think for a second, trying to remember what was going on when I stopped writing last. I got my notes out and read over them, now I'm ready to go.

I should do that now, while I have the motivation.

Hey, did you guys see my fancy new Word Counter over to the left? Isn't it cool? I saw that another writer, (her name escapes me, right now) that had it for all of her projects and I thought it was really cool. So I totally copied. I'll give her credit though... As soon as I remember her name.

Okay, I need to write now.

Have a great day everybody.

I have the greatest friends...

2006-07-07T14:31:00.000-07:00

Mood: Good but tired.

What I'm Listening To Right Now: "How To Save a Life" by The Fray

I really do have the greatest friends. One of which is an online friend, and who also likes to sit around and plan things that will someday helps us take over the world. And the other, who I've been friends with since I was eleven, likes to yell at me, in a very productive way, when I start doubting my writing abilities. Today, she literally spent five minutes yelling that JK Rowling was a nobody at one point too, and that I shouldn't underestimate myself just because I'm not writing as fast as I think I should be. She also called herself my "crutch" but she doesn't mean it in a bad way. She tells me that so I don't forget that I have someone to lean on, and I appreciate it probably more than she knows.

Anyway, enough about my awesome friends.

So I've been writing a lot more lately, and I think I can credit that to the author I talked about in my last post, Shanna Swendson. Just an update; she's about half way done with her book now. And no I'm not kidding. Personally, I think she's a machine that was sent to earth to torture/inspire me. Seriously, she even threw in her last blog that, even with all of the writing she's getting done, she's managed to work out more too. Great... Just great.

I really like her though, and I admire how fast she can get things done. She talks about her time management a lot, which is totally admirable, because I have none. Zero. For instance, I got really into a book I was reading last night and didn't go to sleep until about 5am. Of course, I didn't realize it was 5am until I looked up from the book and screamed when I saw the clock, but still. That kept me from getting up early today and getting things done; although, I do find that if I'm mad at myself for sleeping in, I get more done. Maybe that's my key to time management. I'll call it the Oh-My-Gosh-I-Suck-So-Bad-and-Slept-In-Late-Again-because-I-Read-Too-Much-Time-Management Plan.

Oprah will be calling for an interview about it any minute now... I just know it.

Have a great day everybody!

Tell me how...

2006-07-02T18:59:00.000-07:00

Mood: A little perplexed, and feeling a lot lazy...

What I'm Listening To Right Now: Again, nothing. The TV is on, but I've been doing other things.

Okay, so first things first, I just thought I should let you all know that in the last week I have become obsessed with Super Heros. I know, I know, I talked about this in my last blog, but to update everyone, I've watched a show about the Ultimate Top 20 Super Heros twice, and would watch it again in a heart beat.

I even watched Batman Returns for the second time today, just because.

And, to add to all of that, I just spent the last hour or so watching a behind the scenes video blog of Brian Singer, the director of Superman Returns. I'm one of those people who like to know why and how things get done, so to see that they actually grew the corn for the Kent farm, and to also see all of the work that the lovely Brandon Routh had to do in a harness, was phenomenal.

It was really interesting, and kind of nice to see how much changed from what he had planned to what happened in the movie, considering I've changed a lot in my story since the beginning too.

Watching all of this stuff is basically for all of the reasons I talked about in my last post, so I won't get into it. But I will admit that I have a problem; but I hear that the first step to curing a problem is admitting you have one.

On a different topic, I just read a blog of a writer named Shanna Swendson, and she just started writing the fourth book in the series she's been writing, two weeks ago... And she's a fourth of the way through the book. WHAT?!?! I've been writing since March and I'm only almost half way done!

Obviously something is internally wrong with me.

How can I be so slow? And of course, then, all of my writer-self-doubt creeps in. What if I'm put on a four month deadline for a book? What do I say, "I'm sorry Big Publisher Man/Woman, but I need a little more time because I'm slower than honey going up a hill in January."

That's great, huh?

Okay, I'm done freaking out now. I just need to write more, and write faster... That's all. No biggie... right?

Have a great night everybody.

Finding inspiration and dreaming big...

2006-06-29T16:30:00.000-07:00

Mood: I'm in a really good mood, you'll know why in a second...

What I'm Listening To: Nothing. The TV is on but I'm not really watching.

So, I've been thinking about this for a long time now, and I've refrained from posting it because, for my whole life, I've been told that I dream too big. That I should just get another degree, (which I am) and get a "real" job. And recently I've decided that I'm going to stop apologizing for dreaming big.

There is nothing shameful about not wanting to be ordinary, and I'm not going to feel that way anymore.

Part of what brought this on is that I went to the movies today and saw Superman Returns, and before I get into anything else, let me tell you now to go see that movie. It's fantastic!

Now, back to what I was saying.

Lately, I've become semi-obsessed with superheros. It's not really about their looks or powers, but more about their issues, because let's face it, all hero's have issues. It's also about what makes them tick. What makes someone want to dedicate their lives to saving others? And how does one deal with that responsibility? Also, how does one deal with the fact that they alone, are the most powerful people they know? Things like that. And I think it all comes back to my book, because I'm writing about someone with powers too.

The girl in my book, Dani, (along with many others) has powers, so I guess that getting in these guys heads helps me think about what's going on in Dani's. Although, I think I've had that pretty much nailed down from the get-go.

Here's what I've really been thinking about though. What if someone had told, (and maybe they did, I'm not sure) the creators of these amazing hero's, that they should just get a degree and get a "real" job? I know one thing, I wouldn't know who Brandon Routh is, and that's just not acceptable! haha.

All jokes aside though. It would be a world void of hero's, and that's not good.

So, do you wanna know my big dreams? I want to have my book published, and then I want to write the next three books that follow this first one; since I already have them planned out.

I also think it would be cool to have a movie made of my books, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there. Oh but when I do, it's going to have theme music like Superman. Not just like his, but the kind of music that when you hear it, it makes you smile and feel that emotion, or what ever it is, in the pit of your stomach, knowing that you're going to see, or have just seen something special.

I want that, and I'm not going to be ashamed of it anymore.

Have a great day.

The middle is in sight...

2006-06-26T09:19:00.000-07:00

Mood: As chipper as can be expected on little sleep and a rebellious computer.

What I'm Listening To Right Now: TV coverage of the rain delay at Wimbledon.

Okay, so I realize that the middle being in sight is not nearly as dramatic or sensational as the end being in sight, but for me, it's a big deal. I've always felt that after reaching the middle of the book things would really start rolling, and I still feel that way.

I have about a chapter and a half to write until I'm at my all-important midway point, and I think that the story can pretty much flow on it's own until I get the the last few chapters, which no doubt will be hard, emotional and exhausting... and I can't wait!

In other news, I'm recovering nicely from all of the car drama from last week, and I got up early to start a productive day of running around like a crazy. Sounds great, huh?

Add to all of this, one of the best months in sports is about to start, and really in my mind, it already has with today being the opening day of the Tennis Grand Slam, Wimbledon.

Next week the Tour De France starts, as well as my favorite race of the season, the July Daytona race. And then there's the MLB AllStar game as well. What more could a sports fan ask for? Football, maybe. But that's just a few months away.

Alrightly, well that's enough for me today. I have a lot of work to get done and a Grand Slam to watch. Busy, busy, busy.

Have a great day everybody.

Chapter 19...

2006-06-23T08:38:00.000-07:00

Mood: Good, I'm up early and feeling productive.

What I'm Listening To Right Now: "Love and Memories" by O.A.R.

Well, once again I had my butt kicked by a chapter, and while I should be upset about it, I'm not. Chapter 19 and I had a duel and I think it ended in a draw; I got fifteen pages out of it, and it promises major edits at a later date. All in all, I think that's all I can ask for, right?

Now it's on to the next chapter, which will open up big possibilities for all of my characters and lead me to my first big action scene! I can't wait. I have some cool ideas that, hopefully, will add something to the scenes and carry through the rest of the book, and who knows, maybe even beyond.

In non-book news, I had a little drama this week that included my car dying in a parking lot, leaving me stranded with a out-of-date Triple A account. So thanks to Ryan (the nice guy who tried to jump the car, and then was nice enough to give us a ride home) and also to my mom's friend who let us use her Triple A account to get a jump the next day.

I was stressed, to say the least. See, I'm still driving my first car; my baby. My baby that, for all of it's short comings, I am so attached to that I couldn't sleep the night I had to leave it in the parking lot, all by itself. I felt like I had left my child sitting in the parking lot staring at me with misty eyes as I went home. Not cool.

Everything turned out okay in the end though; turns out it was just the battery and the rest of the car is fine! That's saying something since the car is a '93, huh? It's a champ, and I've made the conclusion that I will never get rid of my beloved car. Ever. I love it too much.

Alrighty, enough about my car, I have some other things to do today.

Have a great day everybody.

Slacker reporting for duty...

2006-06-19T11:45:00.000-07:00

Mood: Tired, but trying to talk myself out of it; otherwise pretty good.

What I'm Listening To Right Now: "Kill" by 30 Seconds To Mars

I can't believe I haven't written on this blog in a week! Personally, I blame Ben Roethlisberger; he pretty much kept me from doing anything the first few days of last week. There was no writing or working out, which I had been doing pretty good with, but I just couldn't stop worrying about him and would regularly stop what I was doing to check ESPNnews for any new developments. Then, by the end of the week, I just figured that I hadn't gotten anything done all week, why start then? So, now here I am, with only four pages written for last week and feeling frumpy from not working out. Not this week though! Nope. This week things are going to get done.

So I'm in another minor slump with the book these days, and I think it all traces back to the four pages I wrote and planned out last weekend. I'm so excited to get to some dramatic scenes toward the end of my notes, that I'm getting bored with what I have to write to get me there.

Then I get frustrated because I feel like I need to hurry up and get to the meat of the story, but I'm still trying to explain other things. I know it's all part of the process, but I'm generally not the most patient person in the world, so I'm doing the best I can.

My self doubt has squirmed it's way back into my day-to-day life this past week, and since my mom is the only person, right now, to read what I've written, she takes the brunt of it. At random times when we're hanging out, I'll turn to her and say, "Seriously, do you really think my book is good or are you just saying that because I'm your daughter? Because if you are, I should tell you, that's very damaging to me, since I'm trying to make a career of this whole book thing." Then, as usual, she rolls her eyes and says, "Brandy, I've told you a million times, if I would have picked up the book and didn't know who wrote it, I would love it, so shut up."

Or something like that. Poor thing. She can't wait until I start letting other people read it, and finally get a critique partner, which I've been looking for, unsuccessfully.

I think soon I'm going to go back and do some edits (such as re-writing the first few chapters) that I know I need to do before anyone else reads the book, so I can finally let someone else take a look at it. It's just that some things have changed since chapter one, and I haven't gone back to add those in the beginning of the book, so someone would be very lost if they read what I have now.

I've realized that I'm a confusing person... Do you all get that from me too? haha

Have a great day.

Middles, Endings and Conclusions...

2006-06-12T10:42:00.000-07:00

Mood: Okay. I just found out Ben Roethlisberger (Steelers QB) was in a motorcycle accident and the US team is losing big time in the Soccer World Cup... So I'm handling things the best I can.

What I'm Listening To Right Now: "Where'd You Go" by Fort Minor

So, as you all may or may not know, I'm a huge sports fan. For instance, instead of doing the work that I should be doing, I've been surfing the net for information on Ben R. And watching the World Cup, and I'm patiently awaiting the beginning of Wimbeldon in the next few weeks. I love summertime; there is nothing better than summertime for a sports fan.

Anyway, that's not what this blog is about, is it?

I realized over the past few days that I make a habit out of getting off track with my book plot. I've had the main plot nailed down for about five months, but I stray a lot, which in a way, is nice because it makes it a multi-layered book, but I'm having to reel myself back in.

Yesterday I sat down and hand wrote about four pages, front and back, of notes for the next three chapters of the book, and I made a promise to myself that for NO REASON am I to stray off of those pages.

I have to get the story to progress or I'm going to have a 1,000 page book, and I'm not sure that will sell; so I have to get going.

I'm excited though, because some of the scenes that I've been talking about wanting to write are coming up in the next three chapters! I'm really happy about that because I've been wanting to test my, "action writing" which means I want to see how well I write an action scene and whether I can write it with really good suspense. I think I can, I think I can...

So that's all for me today. I have another blog I want to update, a football player to check on, and a US soccer loss to get over; oh and then I have to write a book. Whew.

Have a great day guys.

Reading/Writing Therapy...

2006-06-05T14:20:00.000-07:00

Mood: Feeling pretty good about things...

What I'm Listening To Right Now: "Have You Ever Seen The Rain?" by Creedence Clearwater Revival

Well, I had a less-than-stellar weekend, for personal reasons, not literary, but as you all have probably learned by now, if it affects my life in any way, I'll read it off. (Kind of like sweating out a fever.)

A bad weekend for me, translates into a weekend spent with my face in a book trying to avoid it all. So I feel better and I have on book from the library read with just four to go. Good stuff.

I wrote a pretty intense scene for the book on Friday and I felt so good about it I printed it out before I even finished the chapter so my mom could read it.

I was all pumped up until I saw her read it for a second time and look confused. I swept my crushed soul (okay, a little dramatic) off the floor and asked what the problem was.

She had a lot of "why?" questions that were totally okay for her to have. I didn't confuse her, it's just in the haste to let her read that scene, I didn't realize that she didn't have the next section there to help her understand why things happened the way the did.

Again, you guys are probably wondering what in the hell I'm talking about. Trust me when I say, you'd get it if you could read the book. Which hopefully, everyone will get that chance someday.

That's the plan anyway...

Have a good day guys.

I love the library!

2006-05-31T15:57:00.000-07:00

Mood: Feeling good and productive, which is nice

What I'm Listening To Right Now: "That's How They Do It In Dixie" by Hank Williams Jr.

This is probably going to be a really short post, because I have something I need to get to, but I just wanted to show my love for libraries. I love them, I really do. Probably more than I should.

Get this, I went to the library yesterday, because I had nothing to read... I mean nothing, I'd even worn out every magazine I had. Anyway, I walked out of there with five books, and I paid nothing.

Obviously, I know that the books from the library are always free, as I am also well aware that I have to give them back, but still, for a person to runs to a book when she is having a bad, good, okay, or really crappy day, that's priceless.

Hopefully I'll have a few books in the library someday...

Have a great day.

Getting the show on the road...

2006-05-29T11:38:00.000-07:00

Mood: A little overwhelmed with my huge "To-Do" list, but good

What I'm listening to Right Now: Venus Williams playing tennis at the French Open on TV. I LOVE Grand Slams!!

Okey Dokey, I have a million and two things to do today, (one which involves writing a book) so this might not be very long.

I sat down this weekend and wrote out some scenes that I have had playing out in my mind for a few weeks. I'm so pumped up about writing them, but I can't yet because it's just not time for them, and I didn't want to forget them so I wrote it all down.

I think it helped mainly so my head wouldn't explode, which is always good. I really want to get the story rolling so I can get to these scenes, so I want to get writing as soon as possible today. Hopefully within the next few weeks I can write at least one of them.

I went and saw the new X-Men movie this weekend and I thought it was FANTASTIC. I mean, just really, really good. I hope everyone stayed after the credits because there was a little something left after them. I won't ruin it for those of you who haven't seen the movie yet.

For some reason, I get a flood of ideas when I'm watching movies in a theater, and the funny thing is, it's never anything that relates to the movie I'm watching. Maybe it's just seeing a character have an emotion that reminds me of something... I don't know. But needless to say, my head was buzzing when I left the theater. I almost came home and wrote through the night but then I remembered that I was exhausted, so I didn't.

Anyway, that's it for me today. I have a list to get checked off.

Have a great day.

Wannabe...

2006-05-26T10:44:00.000-07:00

Mood: enthusiastic and dare I say it, motivated.

What I'm Listening To Right Now: "Ridin'" by Chamillionare

So, first I should mention that I have changed the name of this blog. I started it thinking that I could use it to talk about all of the things that I have been working on; going back to school, trying to have a few successful blogs, writing a book and so on. Turns out, this has been all about my book, which I'm totally cool with, because obviously, my subconscious has been fit to burst about this book, or else I wouldn't have written about it so much.

So anyway, this blog is now named, "Author Wannabe..." I think it's pretty obvious why, but I'll add a few things that make it so relevant.

Now that I'm writing a book, I'm obsessed with other books, and when I'm walking around any store with books, I walk up to them and state to whoever is around that I want to grow up to be just like Meg Cabot, JK Rowling, Jennifer Weiner, or whoever happens to have about fifteen books sitting out.

I've also been reading just about everyone's blog I can find, including Meg Cabot and Jennifer Weiner, and others like newbies Ally Carter and Shanna Swendson. JK doesn't have a blog, although she does have a small diary she updates when she's not busy writing the best book series in the world.

So, as you can see, I'm a Wannabe, and I've never been more proud of it.

Now, about this book I'm writing...

I've been working on taking my time writing chapters. I felt like when I got into the Chapter That Almost Killed Me, I was rushing and not producing good chapters. So far, the last two days have been devoted to one chapter, and I'm still not done.

That says one of two things; I'm not writing much, or I'm just really devoted to making every chapter as good as it can be. Actually, it might be a little of both.

I like to try to write five or so pages a day, but when I was doing that, I felt like I was rushing; so the last few days I've only written two or three pages, and I have better results.

Who knows, maybe writing like a grandma will get me out of the "Wannabe" status...

Have a great day.

I'm the worst writer/blogger ever!

2006-05-24T10:15:00.000-07:00

Mood: good but I'm procrastinating

What I'm Listening To Right Now: "The Mixed Tape" by Jacks Mannequin

It's official, I'm the worst. Not only have I not written on my blog here in the last few days, I haven't written MY BOOK, since Thursday. That's almost a week!

In my defense, my mom has had a lot of time off, and it's hard to say no to shopping and lunch everyday. It's it... I'm serious.

But today... today is a new, ambitious day and as soon as I find my ambition, I'm going to be working on my book.

I did make some head way on the sub plots I had been searching for; I think I mentioned before that I was confident in my main plot but I also wanted some really interesting things going on around that plot that would make this whole thing great, and I think I've done that.

It's fun to write about fun stuff, so I'm looking forward to writing some of the things I've planned out that will be really fun for my characters. I might add a little bit of drama in there just to make sure that I'm not abandoning that whole idea of this book. Whew!

I've also been hard at work on another project of mine having to do with my other blog. I'm really excited about what's going on over there and the things that I have lined up for it; I just can't tell you about it right now.

I know, I know. You're probably wondering if I'm actually doing anything at all, because I'm always saying I can't tell you, but in all honesty, I can't. Now right now. Things will start to shake out soon though, I promise.

So, anyway, I apologize for being so lazy around here, and I promise I'll be back on a regular basis from now on.

I'm off to write.

Have a great day.

Mission Accomplished...

2006-05-17T10:37:00.000-07:00

Mood: Determined and good

What I'm Listening To Right Now: "Bright Lights" by Matchbox 20

I'm not one to gloat or anything, but I think I pretty much whipped chapter 14 and 15. After some time, I just sat myself down and decided that I had to make these chapters good, since they are pretty important chapters, where information is concerned. So, I re-wrote the end of 14 and totally re-wrote 15, and I like them.

I actually think they might be the best chapters of the book now, which is so much more of a relief than anything else, that I'm not even sure if I should be proud of myself for it; these things really should be expected at this point, right?

So anyway, now I just have to move on to 16 which I actually have totally planned out. When I finish a chapter, I like to plan out the following chapter just so I don't forget where I want it to go. I don't really have to stick to those notes, but I do try to include the basic facts that I wrote down, since I thought they were important enough the chapter before.

Now I just need to ambition to get that done. Chapter 16 will be the last "details" chapter, as I've been calling them. From here on out I can kind of gloss over things without having to fully explain them like I do now. Hopefully by this stage in the book, the reader will know what things are, and who people are, so that I don't have to explain them again. I know, it sounds confusing but that's how my brain works.

Well, I'm going to get writing then. Sorry about the lack of updates; I've been trying to speed-read through a series of books that I really wanted to finish, so I kind of let my own reading overtake my writing. No more though! It's time to get back to work.

Have a great day.

Hi... Remember me?

2006-05-11T10:53:00.000-07:00

Mood: Contemplative but still pretty good

What I'm Listening To Right Now: "Your Love" by The Outfield

So to review, I've been having some confidence issues. I've also figured out that I'm rushing too much, thus creating less-than-great chapters. Namely, chapters 14 and 15, both of which have tried to kill me in their own, not-as-good-as-I-want-them-to-be ways.

So, I've decided to put every ounce of love and care into every chapter. I've gone back and read through those particular chapters a few times and I've still come to the conclusion that I don't like them. It's a confidence thing. I'm scared to write another chapter, afraid that it might not turn out the way I want either, and then where do I go from there?

So you see, I'm having some issues.

I know that the story I have, the facts and details, make a good story; one worth reading. I also know that I have the skill to write them, or at least I'm pretty sure I do. So I just need to put those two things together and write a damn book. Easier said than done.

I think I'm going to try some new organization strategies, so the story won't stall out like it has now. I'm at a weird point in the book where I'm almost done explaining what needs to be explained before moving on, I've dropped the first hint of what is going to happen next, but I still need to have some good scenes to carry me through until the next hint is dropped. From then on I think the story can roll on it's own.

This is really tough. I guess what I'm trying to do is fill in the plot with things that are just as interesting as the over-all story.

I know... You guys are probably going, "What in the world is she talking about?"

If I really knew what I was trying to explain, I'd be writing chapter 16 and not on this blog. Ah well. I know that as long as I work hard, I can do this. I just have to keep reminding myself of that... Over and over and over.

Alright, I'm off to brainstorm.

Have a great day.

Major slump...

2006-05-05T13:22:00.000-07:00

Mood: Confused

What I'm Listening To Right Now: "Liar Liar" by Alexz Johnson

Remember The Chapter That Almost Killed Me? Well, that thing just won't die; actually the next one is giving me trouble too. I just don't like them. I mean, the information in them is good and I like certain parts of it, but over all I feel like they've stalled the book out.

The bigger problem is that I don't know what to do about it. I think I want to re-write them, or just restructure them a little bit, but honestly, I just don't feel like it. I feel like I've been the one-legged man in the kick boxing match, and I want a break. In all reality though, I should stay in the fight and ride it out, get it done... Right?

Well, that's why I'm confused. Fight or Flight.

I know that my major problem is that I'm rushing things. Every time I sit down at the computer I want to try to pump out a chapter and I'm just not sure that's the best thing to do. I really need to focus on putting a huge amount of love and care into every single chapter, and if that takes a long time, so be it. I'd rather have a great book that took longer to write, than a "okay" book that is done by June.

Patience Grasshopper.

Okay, I feel better. Maybe I'll try to tackle those chapters tonight...

Have a great day.

One of those chapters...

2006-05-03T10:12:00.000-07:00

Mood: Tired but optimistic

What I'm Listening To Right Now: "What's Left of Me" by Nick Lachey

Is anyone else loving Nick Lachey right now? I'm thinking that I should just clarify that I'm Team Nick, all the way. Poor guy...

Anyway, I finally finished re-writing chapter 14, or as I now refer to it, The Chapter That Almost Killed Me. I've heard of other writers having them, but I guess I overestimated my strength, because this one almost did me in.

It took me the longest to finish, there was a saving malfunction in the middle that caused me to lose most of it, and it was just plain out hard; but now it's over and I can move on. In the end though, I feel like it's a pretty good chapter.

Now I'm just having trouble trying to find my stride, mixing in the real plot of the story in with the normal everyday life of my characters. I'm really trying to straddle the line on this book; part of me really wants it to be just about my character and what she goes through, which just happens to have a lot of mystery in it. The other part of me knows that the mystery part could easily take over, so I want to make sure I give enough of both.

I guess that's it with me, since my life for the last week, has centered around TCTAKM, I haven't had much going on. The weather here is great though, good conditions for writing another chapter; perhaps one that won't want to kill me.

Have a great day.

Brainstorming...

2006-05-01T16:42:00.000-07:00

Mood: Tired but a little glum but that has nothing to do with the book

What I'm Listening To Right Now: The Yankees v. Red Sox game on ESPN

Well, I spent part of last night brainstorming for some new ideas for the book. No, I'm not changing things again, I just thought it would be nice to have some fresh ideas to add in, as well as a way to tie in some loose ends.

I've been thinking about the end of the book and there is a scene that I can see in my head already, and I can't wait to write it. It's going to be very emotional, and as I told my mom, I'm going to try and make people cry with it. I want this book to have all of those aspects; smiles, laughs, and tears. I'm going for it.

I cut some things out already, which is a relief, even though I haven't written most of it yet. See, I'm dropping clues about what's happening all through the book, and I had about ten planned, but I've cut it down to seven. That would make a whole lot more sense if you read the book, or knew what it was about; I'm just not ready for that yet. ;)

So anyway, I have to finish the end of chapter 14 that disappeared the other day in the whole disk fiasco. I'm still worried that it won't be as good as it was the first time, but I can't take it out. The scene is too good, so I'll just have to try harder.

Okay, it's back to the game. Go sox!

Talk about a heart attack...

2006-04-28T13:05:00.000-07:00

Mood: Pretty sunny, considering.

What I'm Listening To Right Now: "Keep On Loving You" by REO Speedwagon

So yesterday was a little stressful. Okay, a lot stressful. I was just doing my thing, minding my own business, opening the file that my 90 pages of love and care is saved in, when... It wouldn't open. Then, a little box popped up that said it can be recovered... Maybe, just not how I had it.

WHAT?!? Good lord, I actually had to walk away from the computer and do something else. I just couldn't physically deal with it.

Not to worry though, I only lost the last bit of chapter 14, which is the last chapter I had written. Although, it was one of my favorites and I'm positive that scene won't be as good when I re-write it later today; at least I have most of it though.

It's crazy what your mind goes through when it goes into full-on panic mode. It's called fight or flight and boy did I fly yesterday. I took off for another room and started reading something else. It's funny now, but the look on my moms face when I said, "Oh by the way, I don't know if my book is actually there anymore," wasn't pretty. I do have it printed out, but not that last chapter, because I wasn't finished with it yet. Woe is me.

No really, I'll be fine. I think I'm actually going to attempt to re-write it now, I'm just sure it won't be the same...

Have a great day.

What's in a title?

2006-04-26T09:15:00.000-07:00

Mood: Sleepy but good

What I'm Listening To Right Now: "Why Georgia?" by John Mayer

Well, I got the basics of my timeline drawn out last night on my new foam board. I just put major events on there for now, including birthdays, because what's more important to thirteen or fourteen year olds, right?

After I finished with all of that, I started thinking about something that has been haunting me since I start writing this book. What in the world am I going to call it? I don't have a title yet. To be honest, I don't think I've even come close to a title I like. So last night I sat down with a pen and just jotted down ideas, even stupid ones, just trying to get the juices flowing on a title... I got nowhere.

I know how important titles are, I mean, it's the first thing an agent/publisher/editor/reader sees, so it has to be good. I'll probably go crazy before I actually figure it out, or maybe it will come to me after I've completely finished the book; when everything is settled, then maybe it will be right there staring me in the face. Well, I hope so, because I sure don't have anything good right now.

Okay, I have some things to get done before I can start writing today, so I need to get to it.

Have a great day.

Quick update (getting back to normal)...

2006-04-25T16:53:00.000-07:00

Mood: Determined

What I'm Listening To Right Now: "Touch It" by Busta Rhymes

Alrighty, so it's been way too long since I've updated, but to be honest, things are just now getting back to normal after the big, week-long family visit.

A few days ago I picked up what I have of the book for the first time in a week. I decided I don't like chapter one, but I'm going to leave it for now and re-write it when the book is done, so I can figure out what fits and what doesn't.

I'm getting really weird about the facts in the book; I'm finally getting into the meat of the story and I don't want to mess it up. I want this book to be really tight, no holes. So today I went to CVS and picked up a big foam board to make on time line on, so I can fit everything I need to on there. I already have a time line on paper, but I need more room. I'm hoping this will help me organize the story, and my head, because it could explode at any moment.

Tomorrow is going to be the first day in over a week that I'll actually have time to sit down and write; I can't wait.

Okay, that's all for me right now; Gilmore Girls is coming on and then I'm going to work on my new time line.

I'll update again tomorrow.

Have a great day.

Book, interrupted...

2006-04-18T14:53:00.001-07:00

Mood: Tired but good

What I'm listening to Right Now: "For You I Will" by Teddy Geiger

So my family is in town this week, so I'm not working on the book, what with the eating and riding around, there's just no time. In all seriousness though, I miss it. I really feel like working, but I know that I really wouldn't get anything done.

I read on an agents blog that Young Adult books are still hot (yay!) and that the door is wide open for a first-time author. (bigger yay!) So, I'm pretty excited.

Now I just need to finish the book! In all reality, I think I could have the first draft done by this summer, which will be making good time, I think. That's my goal, anyway.

So that it's for me. It's off to Old Navy, and probably more eating.

Have a great day.

Book, Interupted...

2006-04-18T14:53:00.000-07:00

My name is Brandy and I'm a book junkie...

2006-04-13T21:19:00.000-07:00

Mood: Great... Until my computer froze and shut off while I was writing this the first time.

What I'm listening to right now: "Over My Head" by They Fray

So, it's been about a week since I last updated, which is good and bad. It's bad because I like posting on here and I think it helps me organize my thoughts. It's good because that means I've been busy, which also means I've been writing. I think writing wins.

It's been a little less than a month since I decided to re-write the first 60 pages of my book, and I've done that since then, and wrote about four more chapters. I'm feeling pretty good about that, and about where I'm going with the book. I can be hard on myself a lot, but I can't help but be excited right now. I just feel good.

Some of that may be because today, while running around getting things done, I went to my second favorite place in the world, the library. (Second only to Barnes & Noble.) I swear, if I could build my dream house, every single room would have a huge book shelf. My bedroom and my living room would have a floor-to-ceiling book shelf, with those cool ladders that you see in movies. It would also have a huge flat-screen TV, but you know... You can't read all the time.

Anyway, back to my story. I went to the library to look around at some of the Young Adult books, just to see what's out there. I think getting a feel for the genre is good for me, and I'll admit it, I love YA. And I also think that's OK... I'm only twenty-one you know.

I left with a stack of books and a huge To Be Read list, and I loved every second of it. :)

Besides running around, I also got chapter twelve written. It was supposed to overview a week in time for the book; it ended up being about a half of a day, which means that chapter just turned into about four, but that's OK. Better to have too much, than too little.

So anyway, that was my day. I'm getting ready to do some research on online colleges. I want to start working on another degree and I think getting one online will be my best bet, it gives me time to do the other 567 things I need to do. Whew.

OK, that's it for me today. I hope you all had a great one.

Wow... Some of it's on paper...

2006-04-05T14:43:00.000-07:00

Mood: Feeling pretty productive and happy

What I'm Listening To Right Now: "For You I Will" by Teddy Geiger

Well, last night I powered through the rest of the "turning over" process. That's right, I re-wrote over 20 pages, printed them out, went through them with a red pen, and stapled each chapter separately to help keep myself organized. Whew. Do you want to know the best part about all of it? I loved every single second of it!

I'm having a ball writing this book, I really am. I know I come on here and complain about things, but honestly, just getting through that last night and now, seeing 70+ pages printed out and all that... It's great. I can't even imagine how it's going to feel to finish it.

I was reading another writers blog last night, and she was talking about the length of her new book, and how she feels like she may need to switch genres, from chick lit to fantasy. I'm not writing chick lit, but it's walking the line between fantasy and young adult. I wonder what the lengths normally are for those... I need to do some research. Oh and she's writing a sequel... that must be fun. Hell, if everything goes the way I'm planning, it will be fun. Hehehe.

Right now, I'm almost at 27,000 words, which is kind of nuts, if you think about it. I'm working on chapter 11 right now, and I still feel like I haven't even gotten into the meat of this book. Granted, now that I have most things laid out and explained, I won't have to go into enormous detail about what's what, but still. I really feel like I have a good 20 chapters left. Gosh... I just really like writing books! I want to do this forever!

OK, I'm done for now. It's back to chapter 11; in reality I probably won't finish it today, but in my over achieving mood earlier today, I planned to write 11 & 12. Not going to happen, unless I get a 456th wind, because last night knocked me out. OK, really going now.

Have a great day everybody.

Like Nike says...

2006-04-04T14:22:00.000-07:00

Mood: Good but I'm procrastinating

What I'm Listening To Right Now: "Unwritten" by Natasha Bedingfield

So my Monday deadline to have the first part of my book "turned over," as I'm calling it, didn't work out. I still have twenty some pages to do. Add to that, I can't manage to force myself to work on it today. Come to think of it, this song is pretty much my song of the day. Well, at least I'm consistent.

This weekend I let my mom read what I had so far, and she seems really excited about it. I couldn't help but smile when she kept asking for the next chapter, or what someone was up to, knowing I couldn't tell her. That made me feel good. You would think it would give me some inspiration to sit down and write, but nooooo.

I've spent most of today getting a lot of other stuff done today, just updating what I need to update, stuff like that. I also worked out really, really hard; which pretty much means I'm going to have to roll out of bed tomorrow, and crawl anywhere I need to go. I normally work out that hard, but I hadn't gotten to since last Monday, I had just done half of it since then; so when I finished, walking was a bit of a problem. No biggie though.

OK, seriously, I'm going to go now and I'm going to write. Until I eat dinner, then I can write some more, actually no I can't' Gilmore Girls is new tonight. After that though... it's totally going to happen.

Have a great day everybody.

Faster than a speeding bullet...

2006-03-31T13:13:00.000-08:00

Mood: Happy

What I'm Listening To Right Now: "Why Georgia" by John Mayer

Besides the fact that I'm listening to John Mayer, the other reason I'm in a good mood is that I'm flying through the "restructuring" of the book. As you all know, I' started over, although I was chin deep in the old version of my book. I felt like the point of view needed changing, so I changed it. Ahh, the power. Anyway, I've realized that A) I liked how my story was going the old way, so changing it over is getting easier because I only need to change "she to I" and stuff like that and B) I like the point of view I'm working with now. I think I'm doing things a little bit different from what everyone else has done with first person writing, or as I've learned it's sometimes called "deep point of view." Either way, I like it.

Another reason I'm in a good mood is because it's absolutely beautiful outside. Mid 70s and perfect, just the way I like it. Oh and I ate Taco Bell for lunch... Always a good thing. I got some errands done earlier today and spent most of the afternoon writing, I love feeling productive. I think I'm going to reward myself by reading for a few hours outside, or maybe inside. Either way, a few hours reading is enough of a reward for me.

I've just started reading the "Shopaholic" series by Sophie Kinsella. Who actually makes me read and think in a British accent, that's how cool it is. I read another one of book of hers called "Can you keep a secret?" and it was fantastic, so I'm going to read the rest of her books. Then I'm moving on to Ally Carter; I read her blog and I love it, so I'm reading her stuff next.

Back to the book, I think I can actually finish the "restructuring" in the next few days. I have about 35 pages done, that's a little more than six chapters, and I've done most of that this week. So there's no reason that, if I work hard, I can't have the next 30 some pages done by Monday. That's my new goal, done by Monday. Then I can actually go back to writing new stuff; I miss it.

Okay, that's all for me. I'm going to read. :)

Have a great day everybody.

Not feeling so good...

2006-03-28T22:13:00.000-08:00

Mood: Good but tired... and a little icky.

What I'm Listening To Right Now: "Hypnotize" by Notorious BIG

Today has been a pretty successful day for me. I read another writer's blog a few days ago and she was giving pointers on writing novels. I love stuff like that, I'm soaking up info all over the place... but anyway. I took a lot of what she wrote to heart, including something that I knew but wasn't focusing on as much as I should, and that is my characters.

I'm a very "in my head" type of person. I keep secrets, thoughts, feelings and so on trapped in my head. So, apparently I've approached my book in the same way, which is that I can "hear" my characters talking in my head. I can hear how they are different from the others but I'm not translating that into words. Like she reminded me, a writer should be able to cover up the names in their story and still be able to know who's saying what. I need that.

So today I went to Barnes and Noble, (yay!) on a $25 budget, because I tend to let spending get out of hand in there, and picked up an astrology fact book. Just personalities of each sign, element and so on. I'm going to take a lot of what is in there and apply it to my characters, to understand what makes them tick, and was ticks them off. I'm loving it so far.

Add to that, one of my characters and their birthday is spot-on in the way they act, and just the way they are. My book has an astrology background anyway; I know that doesn't make sense, but someday it will. I have the birthdays and so on for every single character mentioned in the book, so I know their signs, and that's a huge help to me.

Plus, I got to go to Barnes and Noble (always a huge plus). I got the normal JANE magazine, a fitness magazine and a good chick lit book to take my mind off things. In other words, I'm happy, happy, happy.

Here's the icky part, I don't feel good... at all. It's finally warming up here in NC and my sinuses are taking a whooping for it. My head is about to explode, and that may just make it feel better. So I've given myself the rest of the night to not work on my book and to only think about it if I can't help it. I'm going to take a Nyquil, sit, relax and read. I feel better already.

Have a great day.

Hold-ups and confusion...

2006-03-24T21:47:00.000-08:00

Mood: Cold... and grumpy because of it. (I live in the South and it's almost April, it really shouldn't be this cold)

What I'm listening to right now: "Kerosene" by Miranda Lambert

Frost bite. I'm pretty sure that my fingers are on their way to be frost bitten. It's so cold here in NC this week! We got so spoiled with the nice 70 and 80 degree temprature in Febuary and early March that now it is unseasonable cold, and I can hardly deal. I was driving along I-77 today and noticed that it wasn't rain hitting my windsheild anymore; no, it was freezing rain. Ick.

I'm from Delaware, that's where I was born and raised, but the last year and a half in NC has warmed my blood and I can hardly stand cold weather; unless it's Thanksgiving or Christmastime. Then I can deal with it.

Okay, enough complaining about the weather.

I haven't gotten any writing done today, I've been too busy surfing the internet; My new procrastination tool for just about anything. I will make up my mind to get offline and off of the computer, but just as I'm about to hit that "shut down" button, I think of something else I need to look up. Something I need to work on, I suppose.

I've also started taking myself off of Coke Zero. It's a slow process which I hope leads me to not drinking soda at all. I'm now drinking Caffeine Free Diet Pepsi. Let me tell you, it's no Coke Zero, but there is no caffeine. This will hopefully lead to a more rested, productive, less jumpy, not-so-freaked-out, de-stressed, maybe-a-little-grumpy-but-I'll-deal, Brandy. We'll see.

I was up late last night dealing with some issues of combining the two versions of my book. I'm finding it difficult to write some things in first person. Maybe it's just me, but I keep getting my past and present tenses mixed up. It's probably something I just need to get used to. I mentioned before that I've written half of a book in first person, but I started that in first person. It's hard to get my mind to switch when I've been writing the other book for so long. Again, something else I need to work on.

I spent my cold, wet and icy afternoon in my comfortable chair watching Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire on dvd. That movie is just fantastic. It was nice to focus on someone elses magical world for a little while. Then, because I have no sense at all, I got a sundae. That's right, I ate ice cream after I've been complaining about being cold all day. It's was good though, really good.

So that was my totally unproductive day. I'm off to climb under my covers and wish for warm weather.

Have a good night everybody.

Going back to the start...

2006-03-22T18:48:00.000-08:00

Mood: Pretty Optimistic

What I'm Listening To Right Now: "Your Man" by Josh Turner (LOVING this song right now)

OK, so there are a few things that I think I should let you all in on. First, I'm addicted to Coke Zero. It might actually be the caffeine that I'm addicted to, but either way, it's getting out of hand. It's also making it very difficult to figure out what is keeping me up at night, the book or the soda. It's a toss up, it really is.

Second, I'm re-writing my book. Crazy, I know. Especially since it took me so long to get this far, but it needs to be done. The story is basically staying the same, with some minor tweaks, but I'm re-writing it in first-person. As soon as the idea hit me, I fell in love with it. I love first-person books, they seem a little lighter, and with a story like mine, a littly lightness (word? not a word?) never hurt anybody. Also, I really wanted to get into my main charactor's head more. It may be my lack of skill on my part, although I hope not, but I was having a hard time keeping up with what she was feeling. But now with her telling the story, you have it right in your face and I love it. The nice thing about that is that she isn't the type of person to just spill her feelings to others, or to herself. She's a little guarded, okay, a lot guarded. So I think making this book in the first-person will be interesting as she learns things and starts to admit things to others and herself.

Third, the internet doesn't help when your writing a book. I've spent the last hour on the internet looking up other writer's blogs, NASCAR stuff, tennis stuff, football stuff, sports stuff in general. All of that adds up to NOT WRITING. So, as soon as I finish this blog, it's back to work for B. No more wandering around the 'net aimlessly. No more. Not one more minute. Really...

Oh, and another big event today... I let my mom read my new first chapter. This may not seem like a big step, but it was really huge. She hadn't read a word of the old, half-finished book, so this was a small peak for her. That's how excited I am about it though. I really like the direction I'm going and I feel like the story is just flowing right out of my fingertips. So, I should really get them back on the keyboard... well, obviously they are on the keyboard, but they should be writing a book, not a blog. Okay, now I'm just delaying. I should go... now.

Have a good one everybody.

Hard decisions...

2006-03-20T20:11:00.000-08:00

Mood: Confused but good

What I'm listening to right now: "The Suffering" by Coheed and Cambria

So, last night I sat down and sketched out a timeline for my book. I have a series of things that happen in this book and I really needed to sit down and make sure that A) it would all fit into a nine month period and B) that is all still made sense. I've been planning this book forever, I can't remember what I wore yesterday, much less what I planned four months ago. Anyway, it worked out and everything fits. It's a funny feeling when now I know that I am ready to write this and finish it. There is nothing really in my way. I know what is going to happen to who, and when. It's nice, but scary.

So after I got all that figured out, I had my normal freak-out session, where I worried about whether it was good enough or not. I still am, but more than all of that, I just don't want this to be looked at as a Harry Potter rip-off. I know I've talked about this so much already but I'm really worried about it.

When I decided to write this book, it was because I thought it would be fun to write and work in the world of magic. There is a lot of possibility, obviously, when working with magic. It just seemed limitless, so I went for it. Here's my issue. In order to have any sort of young adult, school has to be included in their life, and if there is anything crazy going on in school then they can't go home everyday-- their parents or guardians wouldn't let them go back. So you sort of have to put them in a boarding school situation. It's weird I know, but sending your character off to school makes life easier all around. So I have a witch who goes to a magic school. I know, I know.

The thing is, she's not Harry Potter. There is no bad guy who killed her parents. She doesn't have two friends that go everywhere with her. She doesn't have a horrible family life, none of that. But I know when I say, I'm writing a book about a witch who goes to magic school, that everybody is going to say, "Oh like Harry Potter." Ugh.

Did I mention it's also going to be a series? See! You right there... yes, you. Your judging me. It's only four books though, and I already have them planned out. I actually like the next three better than the first, which is bothersome. The first one is just so old in my head though, I think I just like the next ones because they are new and exciting.

So, last night I started thinking of ways to un-Potter these books. This is exactly what I didn't want. I didn't want the HP books to affect my books at all. I didn't want them to influence my characters or my magical world, but I also didn't want those books to make me change mine just because they may run parallel to each other. But I thought about it anyway. I didn't change anything yet, but I have it all in my head and it may happen. I'm not sure.

Okay, I'm babbling. I'm really going to it down and write tomorrow. Maybe I'll feel better then.

Have a great night everybody.

A good movie, a book to finish and cool authors...

2006-03-18T23:22:00.000-08:00

Mood: Cautiously Optimistic

What I'm Listening To Right Now: "Take It On The Run" by REO Speedwagon

The full moon has been messing with me. That's the only excuse I can come up with. It's that or caffeine. Either way, I have been a mess for the entire last week. It hasn't even been a normal mess, it's been more of a bi-polar mess. I've been up and down, up and down. It's getting old.

It didn't help that I went to the movies tonight and saw V for Vendetta. Movies like that freak me out. Don't get me wrong, it was fantastic, a real thinking movie. It just freaked me out. I think it's a lingering affect of having severe panic disorder for four years, but it seems like that if I see something that bothers me, it will bother me for a while. Then, anything else within that next few hours will bother me too. I compare it to throwing a rock in water. When it ripples the first time, it's because of the rock. The next ripple and all that follow are just ripples from the ripples that came before. I know what your thinking... I'm crazy. While that may be true, you'll be glad to know that I'm recovering from those ripples of the night and as you can see, I'm cautiously optimistic.

One of the reasons I'm feeling better tonight is that I've found some fantastic agents and author blogs that have really inspired me. Don't get me wrong, they've freaked me out too, but for the most part, they've helped a lot. Most of the author blogs are chick lit authors, but I'm okay with that. I actually love chick lit. I'm not writing a chick lit book right now, but I've always thought about it. I actually have a half-finished chick lit book saved on my old computer. Maybe I'll finish it someday.

Anyway, these blogs have really given me some great information on the publishing/writing/agenting business. That was something that I was worried about because I really had no idea how it really worked. You can find article upon article about it online, but there is something about hearing it from the people that actually do it, that makes me more comfortable. Not to mention, I've fallen in love with one agent who seems very smart, cool and savvy. I shouldn't have started reading her blog because now I know when I send out my queries, I'll be waiting for hers. That's okay though, it gives me something to shoot for.

So it's back to work on the book on Monday. It's weird but my creativity has been coming in spurts lately. I'll spend days and days writing and making good progress, then I have days where I look at the screen and know that I have nothing to add that would make the book better, so I leave it. Monday is the day though. I'm trying not to impose a deadline on myself but it might be needed if I keep going. I have a lot of pages and not a lot of story yet. I need to get to the point. I won't limit myself though, I'm just going to get it all out and let the editing process take care of the rest.

Whew, I'm babbling. I'm done now.

Have a good one everybody.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes...

2006-03-17T12:10:00.000-08:00

Mood: A little stressed

What I'm Listening To Right Now: "Wait" by Something Corporate

So, as you all can see, I've changed things around today. I was bored with the old template and wanted something a little more... I don't know, green I guess.

I've always liked this blogger template, so I said, "What the hell?" and went with it. You all probably see that I've added some other little touches here and there (mood and music) to give you a glimpse into who I am. I talk a lot about my book on here, (that's what this blog is for, after all) but I also want people to get to know me and the things I like and don't like. I think this should at least make this place a bit more entertaining.

So I hope you all like it! I've been a little distracted from the book today, with getting this place ready, watching racing, working out and so on. It's no excuse, but I write better when the sun goes down anyway, so I should be fine.

I'm going to pry myself away from the computer for a little while. I hear it's bad to stare at a screen for hours and hours at a time... I think I might be in a bad line of work.

Have a great day everybody.

So much to do...

2006-03-08T15:40:00.000-08:00

Writing is going pretty well for me these days. That's one of the main reasons I haven't been able to update here, I've actually been getting some good work done on the book. I'm really happy with what I have so far, I feel like I'm writing too much but that's okay. I'm just letting it all flow out, and I'll edit out all of the stuff I don't need later. I'm still in the very beginning stages of my story, which is crazy since I have a lot written already. Apparently, I'm writing a brick of a book. That's great though, I think, I mean I love reading long books. Why not write one?

I've also been putting more thought into opening my own book store someday. If I had the money, I would do it now. I can't think of a better place to be, than in a room filled with books. I also know that I went to college and learned how to build, market and run a business, so I should put my skills to use. I think I'm going to try to get some general facts about how much everything would cost and how it would work. I know I can't do it in the near, near future but why not start planning now? I'm tired of waiting for life to happen to me, I want to make it happen.

Add to that, I want to go back to school to get another degree that will help me in racing. I know, I know, I'm a little ambitious but I can do it and I'm young. So anyway, that's where I am today. I have a lot to get done, huh?

As always, send your comments straight to me at racechick1@adelphia.net

Have a great day everybody.

On the keyboard again...

2006-03-01T16:05:00.000-08:00

So I'm writing again, and I have to tell you, I like it. I just felt like I needed to dive in there again, which is good because for a while, I didn't think I had done enough planning. Now I know that I can't plan everything. Seriously, that will just be boring and will probably restrict me. So I'm writing... again...

It's gone pretty smoothly. I think my first draft is going to be way too long, but that's just how it goes, I guess. What I have now should equal out to around 80 book-sized pages... and I'm only on the first day of the real story, granted there is a back story but still. I'm comfortable with that though, because I know the editing process will kick my ass and take a good amount of useless things that I think are so important now, out.

So I'm entering the stage of the book that I've labeled "The Grind," which I've mentioned before. I just need to get in there more and grind this thing out. My first instinct is to write overnight, which makes sense for me because I'm such a night-owl. The thing is, I also don't really like to sleep through the day and, well you know, things need to be done while the sun is up. It's common sense vs. creativity. I don't know which is going to win yet. We'll see.

OK, time to get back to it.

As always send all of your comments straight to me at racechick1@adelphia.net

Have a good day everybody.

Getting things rolling again...

2006-02-23T13:31:00.000-08:00

So, as I posted a few days ago, I haven't been working on the book as much in the last week. I've been too distracted with racing, but it's back full-force now. Last night I sat down with a pen a paper (that's when I feel most creative) and wrote a knew chapter one, the old-fashioned way.

I've said this before but I'll say it again, it's a shame that so much writing is done on a computer. I know it's the fasted way to do things now, but that doesn't make it better. I have a pretty hard time really feeling creative in front of a glowing screen. It needs to be done though.
Although, I've noticed that for important parts in the book, like the original chapter one, the new chapter one and an important speech that won't happen until the middle of the book, I've written them all down. They are really important parts in my mind and I want them to be perfect, and I can do that better on paper. They will all be typed eventually though, the original chapter one already is.

So anyway, the new chapter one is something that I had been thinking about for a while. I really wanted to start the book off from another person's point of view, not my charactors. I think that a) Will add some suspense to the story and b) Give a really good hint as to why things that are about to happen, happen. It's actually a really dark, sad chapter but I like what I have so far. I'm sure it's going to change many times before the book is actually finished but that's just how it goes, I guess.

I know I've been so distracted by racing recently, but after diving back into things, I realize how much I love writing this book. This blog helps too. Getting my thoughts out really clears things up for me and makes me want to write more. So thanks for reading!

Anyway, I'm going to go get back to it.

Send your comments right to me at racechick1@adelphia.net

Take it easy everybody.

Really quick post...

2006-02-21T22:06:00.000-08:00

Hey guys. I'm getting ready to get some work done, so this won't be long at all. I just wanted to post that I've had to switch internet providers, so my e-mail has changed. I changed it over on the sidebar to the left, but I wanted to make sure you guys saw it so I don't lose any e-mails.

The new e-mail address is racechick1@adelphia.net

I hope I hear from you all some more. Now it's back to work.

Have a good night guys.

Getting back to normal...

2006-02-20T12:27:00.000-08:00

Okay, I didn't do hardly any work on my book this past week. I feel bad about it too. Today, I'm mainly going to be going over my notes to get back into the mindset of writing this thing. In case you all didn't know this or read my first few posts, my other love (besides writing) is NASCAR racing and the Daytona 500 was yesterday. The few days after the 500 are sort of like a hangover sans liquor, so getting things rolling today has been tough. Tonight though, I'm going to try to finish most of my planning so I can get writing again. I just have to... do it.

I think the week off may have been good for me though. It should give me some new insight into what I've done so far. I always seem to find my mistakes a while after actually making them. I rarely find something that I messed up right after doing it. It's just not the way I work.

Anyway, I'm rambling. So I'm going to go get some things done before I sit down and really get back to work. Sorry for not posting a lot this last week. Daytona does that to people.

As usual, send your comments straight to me at racechick@bellsouth.net

Have a good day everybody.

I wish I could say I was busy...

2006-02-14T12:07:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the long time between posting. I wish I could say that I was locked in a room, writing to my hearts content, but honestly, I've just been watching racing. That's right, racing officially started again this past weekend and it has taken my book-obsessed brain right out of the writing process. I've been working hard on getting my racing blog back up and going with the new season and it's just been a little time consuming. With that said, I did come up with a few more ideas, in the list of ideas that I still need to think of. I wish I could tell you what I'm talking about, but it's a really secret part of the plot that would basically ruin everything if I let it out. I feel good about it though.

I only have a small list of things that still need to be planned before I can really start writing again. It's just that I have to be very careful not to leave holes in this part of the plot. I could really mess everything up if I did.

There has been a small break in the racing at Daytona this week, so I'm going to try to get a lot of book work in today before things start back up again tomorrow. It's been really, really hard to split my brain between my two loves, racing and writing. It's just something that I'm going to have to work on, I suppose. I need to dedicate a good amount of time to both, although honestly, the book has become so important to me that racing has been put on the back-burner a bit. I still love it, but I really would like to get my writing career off the ground before I commit to something that could have me traveling every weekend. What a great life that will be. Traveling to races every weekend and writing good books while I'm doing it.

Something to look forward to.

As always, send comments right to me at racechick@bellsouth.net

Have a good Valentine Day everybody!

Your enthusiasm...shocks me...

2006-02-09T09:48:00.000-08:00

I really feel like I'm making progress now. I know I've said that before, but it's such a crazy situation when your actually building a world in your head. (I also may be crazy, but that's a whole other blog.) I mean, I'm really getting everything figured out, from how they will live, where they will live, their surroundings, the people who surround them and to top all of that, my main charactors are actually evoking emotion from me. When I think about what they are going to do, I get excited about it. Is that weird? Maybe, but it sure as hell could be a good book if I make it one.

That is what's hanging over me now though. I know I have the ingredients here to make a good book, a pretty damn good one, at that. Now I just have to write it well. I know I've said this before but those of you who read books know, it can have all the good ideas it wants but if the writer sucks, it's hard to hang on. I'm researching a bit now for some examples of great writing. I picked out some of my favorite authors books and I'm just reading them and trying to learn from how they write. I think that's important. Not that I want to mirror myself after my favorite authors, but at least they can show me how to do it right and I can put my own stamp on it. I'm not sure school can teach anyone that, and I'm pretty sure mine didn't, so I'm being creative. If I just take some really good tips from my favortie authors, I think I can write a good book. Although, I still feel like I need to tie up all of my loose ends, plot-wise, before I get back into writing.

I'm already going to have to add a new chapter one and re-write a lot of the first few chapters to explain some new things I just thought of. It's tiring, but I love it. I really do. That's how I know that I'm doing the right thing for me right now. It's hard, sometimes it sucks, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

I think the writing part is going to be amazing though. When I can really dive in, with no doubts about my plot and just write my ass off. You know I've labeled the emotional ups and downs of writing a book, "The Process." Well, I'm labeling the actually writing of this book, "The Grind." I just feel like it's appropriate. I also like to name things. It's just a quirk people. I have two bamboo plants named Bob and Harry.... no I'm not kidding.

Funny story though, I ran a few of my ideas by my mom. She loves fantasy/mystery/sci-fi books, so I figured she might have some good input. She loved my ideas, but then threw this monster out at me. She says, "I'm surprised at how creative you're being." What? Here's the woman who told me not to ever give up because I was talented, and she's surprised that I'm being creative? You know what though? It did make me feel good that I surprised her. Plus, she meant it in a good way, and she's buying me ice cream for Valentines day... gotta love that.

So anyway, that's where I am right now. I feel excited and optimistic about things and I hope you all do too. As always, send your comments right to me at racechick@bellsouth.net

Have a good day guys.

Hold that thought...

2006-02-06T17:37:00.000-08:00

So after writing for a few weeks, I've realized that I'm just not ready to write much more than the first few chapters yet. I knew I had some stuff I still needed to plan out, but after some thought I realized that I still had a lot to plan out. I'm talking, huge amounts of info here. I knew I needed to define my "bad guys" more, I realize now that there is a lot to define. For instance, I need to find the root of their evil. I need to figure out why they are the way they are. Most people aren't bad for the sake of being bad, there is always a reason. It's been my job to figure that out and I think I've got it. Still, there's more to do. So, to avoid having major holes in the plot, I've put writing on the back burner again to really focus on making the story as flawless as possible.

I made some real progress on this whole planning situation this weekend, and I really feel like I'm going in the right direction. It's so funny but some days I'm so excited about where my story is headed, then other days (like today) I think that maybe I should start all over again. I swear the position of the planets change my mood a few times a day. It's crazy, really.

Add to all of that, the Superbowl was yesterday (Yay Steelers!), and the NASCAR season officially starts in a few weeks, (The Bud Shootout is Saturday. Go Junior!) this all put together equals me being scatter-brained. Plus, I've eaten so much chicken (wings, fingers, nuggets, you name it) in the last 48 hours that I'm surprised I haven't begun to grow feathers yet. I just need to focus, plan and write.

Focus, plan and write. OK, I can do that.

Send comments directly to me at racechick@bellsouth.net

Take it easy everybody.

Baby steps into the world of mystery...

2006-02-02T15:01:00.000-08:00

I never, ever, thought that I would write a novel that could be categorized as a mystery. Technically, I doubt this one will be, but I'm dabbling in it anyway. I figured (not to toot my own horn) that I can be clever, so why not? I always knew I would need something else to this story. I wanted whoever read it to have that "Aha!" moment, where everything that they had been wondering about came together. I think I may have it. I like the idea of having clues throughout the book and then have the "Aha!" moment near the end. I knew I had a good story with my charactors, I knew that I was finally making progress on defing people and making them real, and now I have a plot. It seems like it may all be coming together. I like it.

Since I started my research on agents, I've had my moments of doubt, where I'm sure that no one will ever like what I write. It seems like now though, I have the ingredients to make a good book. Now I just have to really, really apply myself and make sure that this book is written in a way that is easy to read. I also want it to have it's funny moments, it's dramatic moments, it's sad moments and most of all, it's real moments. Making it real is so important to me. Even if it hurts a little.

I've actually been trying to put myself in the mood that my charactor is in at the moment. Which sucks sometimes, because I've spent the last couple of days feeling drained, but I really want that in my book. I want the emotions to be real, raw even. I also want my main charactor to have flaws, real ones, that people can relate to. I'm always disappointed in books that make their charactors out to be more than human, or perfect. Especially someone, who like my main charactor, will need to do amazing things. Amazing people still have flaws. I have to keep reminding myself of that, because I fight with also wanting her to be perfect. It's interesting and I love every second of it.

Anyway, I've rambled a bit today (Yeah, I know. Surprise!) but I'm just excited about where this is going. I still have more of my puzzle to put together tonight, which I'm looking forward to. I might even go do that now.

As always, send comments (and good book suggestions!) to me at racechick@bellsouth.net

Have a great day everybody.

I need... something...

2006-01-31T13:00:00.000-08:00

I'm not exactly sure what a "rut" is, but I think I may be in one. I have a good feeling about this book, I really do; but for some reason, I can't bring myself to write it. The past few days, for me, have been spent sitting around waiting for that inspirational moment where you go: "Oh my God! That's it, this is going to be brilliant. I can't get over how smart/creative/effing brilliant I am." Well... let's just say I haven't had one of those. Ever. I don't know what my problem is. When I sit down to write, I generally feel really good about what I'm doing. I think my major charactors are becoming more and more defined (which I was worried about,) and the story, while I still don't have it all worked out, is coming along. Yet, here I sit, looking out the window hoping for the moment mentioned above. There must be something wrong with me.

I brainstormed a bit last night, just to see what happened when I sat down with a notebook and pen. I always feel more creative with a pen in my hand. Sadly, that's not the most productive way to write a book anymore, so I need to leave those moments to brainstorming. And it helped. I made myself notes and made myself reminders of things I knew I would forget. I tend to get so excited about the story, that I forget huge details because I assume the reader will already know this. (This goes back to a post from a week or so ago.) So I had to remind myself to add a description for things that are obvious to me. It was good, and I was hoping it would lead to a long day of writing today but instead I've not typed one creative word. Unless you think this might be creative... I have my doubts.

Maybe I need to join a writing group online, or something. Just to communicate with some people who are also "rutting" it these days. I don't know. I found some new creativity exercises today that I'm hoping will help me out. My issue with this is, when I wasn't writing, I had ideas leaking out of my ears. Now that I have somewhere that those ideas should go to, there is no such leak. Humph. <-- Interesting sound effect, no?

OK, I'm going to go try to be creative. Maybe I'll meditate or something. It just might work.

As always, comments can be sent straight to me at: racechick@bellsouth.net

Have a good (and creative) day everybody.

Making it all make sense...

2006-01-28T13:42:00.000-08:00

Well first off, I should let you all know that my proverbial black cloud has lifted a bit since yesterday. I was just getting nothing on any level yesterday, whether it was ideas, creativity, luck... whatever it was, I didn't have any. I'm better today though. I have just spent the last few hours locked up with my computer and I got some pretty interesting results. A good number of pages were written, and I've gotten through one of the many, many tough parts in the book that I know will have me looking for a bridge to jump off of.

With that said, I still have a lot to go. I still have the problem of not understanding that this is my first draft of this book. Some chapters won't look anything like what I have now, when I'm done. Hell, some chapters may not even exist. Who knows? Right now, I just need to let the story flow and worry about all of that other stuff later. I've had to refer back to my notes a few times today, which is funny when you spend an hour working on a certain part of a book and then you think, "Where was I going with this?" That's why I'm glad I planned a lot before I started. I think it has, and will continue to help me while I'm writing this thing.

I also came to the decision yesterday that I'm going to write another first chapter. I'm going to keep the one I have now, but it will now become chapter two. I want something that really grabs the reader's attention. Something that they will have to wait a while to understand, but that will be so good they can't help but read until they get there.

I saw an interesting article yesterday written by David Brin, who has written many, many books. In it he said that, as a writer, you want people to show up to work tired and looking a mess because they just couldn't put your book down. (It wasn't exactly in those works, but you get what I'm saying. No? OK, read the article here.) It dawned on me then, that that is exactly what I want, because I am that person. When I read good books, I don't put them down, so I show up to whatever I have to do the next day, a mess. And all I can think about is getting back to that damn book. That's what I want.

Anyway, that's enough rambling from me today. As usual, comments should be sent to me at racechick@bellsouth.net

Take it easy everybody.

And the hits just keep on coming...

2006-01-27T13:03:00.000-08:00

I'm having a really, really crappy day today. I mean, it's hitting the red line and then exploding on the crap-o-meter. Bad, bad, bad. I don't even think watching Oprah could bring me out of this funk, I'm still harboring issues with her for the whole James Frey thing.

The pressure to write a good book is multipying by the day. It needs to be good, really good. You know, the scariest thing about taking on a project like this is that, I want it so badly. The dissapointment of it being horrible lies on no one but me, and will probably only devastate no one but me. The thought of going and hiding under the covers has hit me about 1,000 times today. It's still an option, but I think the thing that would make this day better, more productive, would be for me to get my ass at my desk and work on this book. To make it amazing. It's funny, I feel like I can do it, I really do. It's just my self-doubt that is making me wonder if I will do it. I'm my father's child, I know that self-doubt comes with the territory, I just wish it wouldn't kick my ass so much.

OK, I'm off to make this book spectacular. Wish me luck.

As always, send comments to me at racechick@bellsouth.net

Have a better day than me!

Well, I'll never write a non-fiction...

2006-01-26T19:27:00.000-08:00

I'm all for freedom of speech, I live in a free country. A country that, with all of it's amazing attributes, is full of half-truths. People don't always tell the whole story. A few presidents haven't even managed to tell the truth. Maybe they didn't lie to Oprah.

I sat through one of the more uncomfortable hours of my life today, watching James Frey take knocks on the chin from the most powerful woman in the country... Oprah. She called him a liar for his telling, of his story, about a certain point in his life. Why argue with that? Granted if a book is pushed as a true story, you expect it to be true, but Oprah took it personally. I'm sure that other books of this type have been full of exagerations, but since Oprah got her hands on it, she took it out on James Frey. Oprah waxed religious on this book, that's not Frey's fault. He never claimed it was a book to base your life on. It was his book, that's all.

Add to all of that, this guy is a recovering addict. Oprah would feel like a piece of shit if this guy harmed himself because she needed to recover her huge, allbeit, bruised ego. That's on her, I suppose.

I have sympathy for any writer, anyone, who not only put a few years of their life into a book, but actually write about their life in such a brutal way (exagerated or not), and then get dragged across the coals for it. It's a real shame this happened. The blame for it not only falls on Frey, but on Oprah and that horrid operation called the Smoking Gun that makes it their job to destroy people. Shame on them.

I have nothing in me that wants to read this book, only because it's just not my thing, I'd rather not be depressed for a week after reading a book. I may just go buy it anyway.

On a much lighter note: I've been working so hard on the template for this place I haven't written anything in days. I'll get back to the keyboard tomorrow. How do you like the place?

Send your comments straight to the source (me!) at racechick@bellsouth.net

Have a good day everybody. Keep your head up J.F.

I write books and like long walks on the beach...

2006-01-24T11:25:00.000-08:00

So now that I'm writing, I've been thinking more about how I'm going to go about getting an agent. I'm one of those people that, before they do anything, learns everything they can about what they are about to do. So most of today has been spent reading "How To Get a Literary Agent," articles. They've been really helpful. Some have been inspiring, some sobering, most though, just gave me the feeling that, while this is hard, it's not impossible. Which is nice. I like hard work, so I'm good with it.

I'm also preparing myself for rejection while I'm writing this book. Rejection is one of those issues for me that I've been fighting with... well since I was old enough to know what it meant. We'll just leave it as a Daddy issue. So, I'm just preparing myself for the letters from agents that say, "You have no talent, you loser," or "This is crap, go sell phone books," or anything like that, really. I'm a realist, so I know I'm going to be rejected more times than I will be begged for my entire manuscript. Got it. I'm totally prepared... I think. Well, at least I have time to work on it, because I'm nowhere near to being done with this book. I also know that if I get rejected a lot, I will know that I need to work on the book more. I'm not going to give up on this until I know I've exhausted all of my options. I've been wanting this for too long to just give up.

It's funny but it's already become a love/hate relationship between me and my book. Sometimes I suck, sometimes it sucks but by the end of the day, I feel like we're getting somewhere. Some nights I think that I'd rather jump off a bridge than write this book, others I like it. I call this "The Process." I love "The Process," I really do. Call me crazy, you wouldn't be the first, trust me.

Anyway, that's where I am today. I have some other things to do before I settle in at the computer, for hopefully a good few hours. That's really been my big problem, I haven't had time to just sit and write for hours and hours at a time. I feel like I write better at night, but I like being up during the day. It's a vicious cicle, I tell ya. I wouldn't have it any other way though.

By the way, there are going to be some big changes around this blog soon. This template is just horrible (when it shows up), it looks way too tortured for my taste. I should have something better going on here in the next few days, so hang with me.

Have a good day everybody.

Two chapters down...

2006-01-18T12:49:00.000-08:00

So... I started writing yesterday! It may seem stupid and some of you might be sitting there thinking, "Well, your writing a book, so writing would be a part of that..." but listen: I planned this mother out for about three months. I was ready, and I did it. I realize already how hard it is to explain things to someone who hasn't been in your head for the last three months. As a writer, for me anyway, it just seems like people should know already, after all, they've been living in this world for a while too, right? Yeah, not so much. So breaking things down has been a challenge but I good one, and one that I know I'm really going to enjoy. I like details, so it will work out for me.

I know there are still some details that I need to work out, but I think I'm going to try to let that flow and see what happens. I'm sure editing will take care of most of it anyway, but that is sooo far down the road, that I'm not even letting my mind go there right now.

So anyway, not much else going on with me right now. The college that I was trying to sign up for classes with tried to rip me off, that's always fun. I have to get some e-mailing done now, to make sure I don't get stuck with a $2,000 bill for classes that I didn't even take. Just when you think your trying to further your education...

Have a good day guys.

I just want to write...

2006-01-16T20:23:00.000-08:00

I'm getting really excited about writing. I mean really excited. I had a why-am-I-still-planning-when-I-could-be-writing kind of day today. Which in all reality, there isn't much stopping me from starting now. I could get a good part written before I hit a spot where more research should be done. I even came up with a plan for more books today, if this one goes well. Who the hell knows? I just want to sit and start this thing already, which in all honestly, is what I've been hoping for. For a while I was really scared to start writing because it's such a big thing for me. This is serious, you know? So I was hoping that in all of my planning, I would just start itching to write, to get this thing started and I'm there now. I may even start tomorrow. Wow.

Today I just got some basic brainstorming done, thinking of things to add in and what might not make the book. I'm not really sure, but I'm glad I did all of this planning, instead of jumping right in. It gave me an opportunity to really think about this book, and how I can make it good. Which is something I hadn't done before. I've started another book and have about 120 pages typed but kind of let that go. I just didn't know where to go with it. That, my friends, is where all the planning comes in. I'm excited, I apoligize for the blabbing, but I have to get it out somewhere. God knows I can't talk to many other people about it.

So anyway, that's where I'm at. Trust me that you all will be the first to know if I start writing tomorrow. There may be a party... I don't know.

Y'all have a good night.

So, I guess it's OK...

2006-01-14T19:07:00.000-08:00

Well, my wonderful shopping/movie day on Friday turned into the haul-ass-to-the-car-before-the-rain-carries-you-away day. The weather man said it was going to be close to 70 and sunny, it turned out to be around 60 and raining like nobody's business. I still got some shopping done though and saw a movie. Before I get into the movie, I just want to vent about my search for a good book to read.

I think I mentioned the great book I was reading last week by an author from here in North Carolina. Yeah well, I read fast and since I finished that book, it's been all down hill. I can't find a good book to save my life. I just want something enjoyable and light, nothing I really have to think about. I'm thinking about one book enough as it is. So anyway, suggestions can be sent to racechick@bellsouth.net.

Now about the movie. I finally gave in and went to see The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe. Honestly, it could have been better. I was never excited to see the movie, but I thought that once I got in the theater I would be surprised with how great the story was. Not so. I thought the story was weak, granted, I know the book was probably a million times better but I wasn't impressed. Although, while in the movie, I had a good amount of time to devote to thinking of ideas for my book, which I did. I have a good twist that will come out later in the story. I can't wait to write it.

While watching the movie though, another good thing came to me. Mainly, my nerves were calmed by the fact that some of the things in this movie (and I'm assuming the book, as well) were very close to some of the things in the Harry Potter books. For instance, the presence of a Phoenix, Centuars and other magical charactors that carried over from C.S. Lewis' books, to J.K. Rowlings books. Granted, I doubt I'll use any of those creatures, but it's nice to know that while stories can have creatures (and magic) in common, they can differ and be excepted so easily. It's comforting to think that people can appreciate different stories based around the same world, I guess. Anyway, it helped me a lot. Because like I said before, I'm not trying to re-write anyone's story, I've put in too much work to do that.

Anyway, now there is just football to look forward to for the rest of the weekend. Go Panthers!

Have a good day guys. ::Happy Birthday Meme::

What section am I in?

2006-01-12T16:55:00.000-08:00

So reality hit me yesterday while standing in the library. I'm writing a book, which means that it once it's published (because it will be) my book will be in the library. Now, any book nerd, like myself would know that this is a huge deal. Or to me it is. I'm sure every aspiring writer has always walked through a book store and thought, "I can't wait to see my book in here." But a library? That's a big deal for me. I'm not sure why really, but it is.

While I was searching the garden section for ideas on herbs, I thought of all this. Then I realized how funny I must have looked looking through the garden section, then the section with books with magical or astrological titles. I'm sure they thought I was up to no good at check out, but whatever, I got some good ideas from those books.

I haven't gotten much work done today because I've been out doing random things and I'm planning on a pretty big shopping and movie day tomorrow, so I'm not sure how it's all going to work out. I might try to get some stuff done tonight before I go to bed. I don't know. What I do know is that I should be good and ready to write in a week or so, if I don't get hung up on some facts, that I can already envision myself getting hung up on. Oh well, it's better than sitting at a desk punching numbers right? Right.

Have a good day guys.

I have to do what?

2006-01-09T14:30:00.000-08:00

So I didn't do any book planning today. But yesterday, well let's just say yesterday I got a lot of things done, and found out some other things that still need to be done before I officially start writing. There are just so many things that need to be thought about before I can dive into this thing, even though lately, I've been finding myself just wanting to start writing, to go in head first, but I don't want to get in a situation where I'm writing and I have a good flow going and then BANG. I hit a place that needed facts, or something that I don't have, and then I have to stop. I think that would really mess up the flow. Although, I think I will be writing soon. Maybe even in a few weeks.

It's kind of scary, really, to think about writing this, because I've been working on planning it for a while now and it's importance has been building since day one. I have a lot invested in this, ya know? This is the basket that a good half of my eggs are in, which doesn't seem like a lot, but trust me, it is.

So I think I'm going to go get some things done now with this book. It's been beautiful outside, add to that, that testing for the Daytona 500 started today and I really haven't had a chance to sit down with my notebooks to get anything down. I have some ideas I need to get down now though.

By the way, I'm going to have a new template up here soon, this one has too many kinks for my liking. I should have it looking good around here in the next few days.

Have a good day everybody. Congrats Panthers! Two to go!

No writing day...

2006-01-07T12:31:00.000-08:00

Today is my No Writing Day. I didn't get a lot done yesterday, just a few pages of planning (I can normally do about 5 front and back.) That's the awesome and tedious thing about magic, you can do whatever you want, but when you want to do whatever, you have to make it make sense. Thus the planning, but it's cool. I like being able to make stuff up and if anyone questions it I can just say: "Hey man, it's magic" and they will have to leave me alone. There's not much of an arguement there.

I think I might go to the movies tonight, see what someone else created. I actually started reading a new book last night by a woman who is from Chapel Hill, NC. A lot of great authors have come out of NC, like Nicholas Sparks, who is one of my favorites. Anyway, if was nice to read something else besides my own stuff. I think it's a good escape to read other people's ideas. Plus, you never know when you are going to get inspiration, it could come from TV, a movie, or another book. It's sounds stupid but how other people view human interaction and relationships is really interesting. Think about that the next time you watch TV. It's really cool.

So anyway, as long as no major, major inspiration (inspirado, as I call it) hits me, it's a No Writing Day, but you never know. I'll get back to it tomorrow.

Y'all have a good weekend. Go Panthers!

I love Harry Potter but this isn't it...

2006-01-06T11:46:00.000-08:00

I'm getting tired of taking up for this book already, and I'm not even writing it yet! I'm not writing a Harry Potter book! Literally, what would make people so stupid as to think that A) I would be stupid enough to try and write about a boy wizard who's parents died, and who now needs to fight the guy who killed them (it's been done) B) That just because I read and enjoy Harry Potter books that that alone would make me write a book just like it or C) That there can't be more than one godforsaken wizard, witch or wizarding school for that matter, in the whole entire world.

Yes, I'm writing about the magical world, which believe it or not, exists in more places than England, France or Bulgaria. It's fiction, so let's say that if there are schools in those countries, would there not be one in America? And if there was, couldn't a good story come out of there too? Like I said, I'm not writing about a boy who's parents were killed, I'm writing about someone else who has nothing to do with anyone named Harry.

I'm sure that when (staying positive and not saying if) I get this book published, I'll face a lot more of this kind of stuff and I'm good with that. It's just hard not to have the wind knocked out of you when your trying to put ideas together and people are assuming your just copying off of someone else.

What's troubling me is that I really don't want to copy the Potter books but it's hard to separate certain magic that has to exist in the world I'm writing about too. Do you get what I'm saying? Like, for instance if my charactors are operating in the same world that JK Rowling's charactors are, then we may have some of the same magical creatures. Now I would never use one of her names for these creatures (Americans use different terms for things anyway) but they have to exist, right? As long as they could survive in America. There are some things that wouldn't be in America, just because it's a different country. Get it? It's rough, trust me. I'm trying with all of my might not to copy anything from those books but some of it seems essential.

I just don't want those books to have an influence on my book either way. Like I surely don't want to seem like I'm copying from JK Rowling but I also don't want the books she wrote (no matter how popular) to hinder me because I'm trying to avoid any simularities. Whew. See what I mean?

Basically, what I'm saying is: I love JK Rowlings books, love them, but I just don't want to rewrite them. They inspire me to write, but they don't inspire me to copy from them. Follow me? Yeah... me either.

Have a good day guys.

Going with the flow...

2006-01-05T11:22:00.000-08:00

I realized yesterday that I may be inhibiting my creativity a little bit. See, I went to college and got a communications degree and while I want nothing to do with any job in the communications field, I was around a lot of cool, creative people and they taught me a lot about being creative. I even have creativity exercises. Not jumping jacks or anything but just a little something that gets creativity flowing. The thing is: I'm also a big list maker. I like to plan certain things out, (but only certain things, I've been known to freak out in really structured settings) so I knew going into this book project that I wanted to have everything about the world they are going to be living in documented. I read that JK Rowling did it, and well, it worked for her. But I'm not doing it because she did, it's really just a smart thing to do. If you know your charactors and the area before you start writing, few mistakes will be made. I'll never say someone's hair is this color, when 1o chapters before it, I said it was another. It just makes sense.

I just think I went overboard a bit and got carried away with having things on paper. I think it stifled my ideas a little bit. So yesterday I just stared out a window for awhile and let some scenes play out in my head. I think it cleared up a lot of the monotonous planning that I had done. I just need to let it flow.

Things went a lot smoother today, as where yesterday I was looking for a bridge to jump off of, I got a lot taken care of today. I'm not done yet either, but I'm a big believer in breaks. At some point, if you think too hard, ideas become forced and I think the unnaturalness (word? not a word?) will come out in your writing if something is too forced. You know how funny things can become obviuos, too funny even. Well, I don't want that happening to me.

It really helps that the weather has been FANTASTIC here in NC. It's been in the 60's and sunny, which not only helps with one's mood but with their motivation. Mainly mine, I'm a bit (OK, more than a bit) of a procrastinator, so any added motivation helps.

On the normal-life side of things, I bought a lot of cool thrift store stuff for a friend who moved to Alabama yesterday. I like doing stuff like that, just so when she walks by the stuff she can think, "Hey Brandy gave that to me." Call it self-centered but maybe thinking of her best friend will make her feel at-home in a new place. It's worth a try... now if she would just call me.

Anyway, have a great day everybody.

If I could just be like them...

2006-01-03T07:39:00.000-08:00

So, I need a laptop... bad. I figure if anything is going to get done on this book, writing-wise, I need to be able to sit on a couch or my bed, or a little cafe outside when it gets nice outside. Not on a hard chair hooked to this big hunk of a computer. I've been searching for a laptop for a few months now, ever since I got the idea for the book in my head and now I just need the money. I'm thinking it's going to take 2 to 3 months, which in the grand scheme of things, isn't so bad. Once I'm done planning, I can start writing on the desktop until I get the laptop, not so bad. Plus, my mom has promised me a comfortable office chair for the time being. She's really been great about all of my ideas and projects.

My mom is honestly, the only person that has said, "Do it." I think that stems from the fact that she had my older sister when she was 19 and really never had the chance to chase the dreams she had, and she wants me to have my chance. I appreciate that more than she knows. I swear she's the only person who doesn't think I'm nuts for not settling down and getting the dreaded "real job." If I had a freaking nickle for everytime I heard that term.

And the thing is, it would be SOO much easier to just settle in and get a job at a desk from 9-5 that would pay me salary and I would wear a business suit... stuff like that. Aside from the dread, depression and probably hives from the suit, I could do it. But that's just not me, it's not the way I'm programed. I've never once in my life, even when I was little, wanted to have a 9-5. First, I wanted to be a lawyer (first real job I ever wanted) but I only wanted to do that so I could have a high profile case like the OJ Simpson case. I swore when I was 10 that A) He was innocent and B) That I could have gotten him off too. You'll still find me watching Court TV from time to time. Then I wanted to be a writer, that followed me to my ghetto days in middle school of wanting to be a rap music producer (I'm not even kidding, I wanted to work with Puff Daddy.) Then I found racing and now I uncovered the thing that got buried under everything, which is I still, very much so, want to write.

Whew. I was a busy kid to say the least. I still, at 21, think that if I trained hard enough I could be an olympic swimmer and an olympic snowboarder. I'm just weird, although, realistically I know I couldn't, I'm still going to learn how to snowboard this year.

So yeah, the talking from my family would stop if I was just like them, but I would be miserable. I'm taking the long road, the road less traveled, the cooler, more cultured road and damnit, I like it.

So.... hi...

2005-12-31T14:26:00.000-08:00

So now that I have most of this place looking decent, I figured I would make my first, official post. I know, I know, I already posted once but that was more of a "Here we go" post, this is the real thing.

So I don't think I covered much before, and I know I didn't tell you that I'm 21 and I live in North Carolina. I moved here almost a year ago (Jan 3rd) to work in the sport of NASCAR. I love racing, it's something that I've never really been able to explain to anyone who asks me what the hell I was thinking moving down here. Have you ever been so taken by something that even though, technically what your doing doesn't make sense, it's never been more clear? Yeah, well that was me last year. Nothing has ever touched me, or moved me more than racing has. Well, OK, one thing has and that's writing but we'll get to that in a second. Yeah, that's right. This one's going to be a long one, so buckle up. Anyway, racing is my thing, it's a part of me and so that's what I'm going to do with my life. Here's the thing: I have like 456 other things that I also want to do with my life, one of which is writing a book.

I've never been one to be open with people about what I'm thinking, doing, going to do, ect. So this blog is sort of like my outlet. Because I'm going to let you in on my secret... I'm writing a book. That's right, I'm going to do it. I'm a fair writer, I know that or I wouldn't have worked, or more importantly gotten hired, at a newspaper. I was always good at writing in school and really just love to get creative.

So, that's my new project. Along with finding a way into the racing business, I'm going to write a book. I'm not going to talk about exactly what the book's about yet, but let's just say it might be a little magical. That's right, I'm a Potter-head (as in Harry.) But I'm not writing another Harry Potter book, so don't worry about that. I'm just writing and creating my own world that will probably have some Potter-ish things in it, but you know what? We need an American wizard, right? I think so.

So that's about as far as I can go plot-wise right now, because I'm still creating most of the world that my charactors will be inhabiting, plus I can't have some crazy sucker come steal it right? Even typing this it sounds ridiculous, but I really don't care. I have to do what feels right to me and damnit, this feels pretty good. So anyway, that's it for now I suppose. I'll be back tomorrow and the following days to tell you all how things are going and just what's going on with me in general. Can't wait, huh? ; )

Happy New Year.

Hey you...

2005-12-31T12:20:00.000-08:00

Isn't it weird that they make you post something before you can actually see your new blog template? I think it is.

Anyway, Hi. I'm Brandy and I'll be here writing for a good, long time I hope. This blog is going to be about me mainly. I have some other blogs and while they all represent very important parts of me, this one is about me and really for me. My other blogs are, for the most part, popular-- I'm pushing 5,000 hits on one, which I'm very proud of. I like projects and I like new things, so thing whole blog universe is perfect for me.

So this is my new project, which incidentally will mostly be about my other new project and again about what I'm going through in a new year, that I hope, will be the best and most productive yet.

You might be wondering why the blog is called Just being me, or you might not, but I'm going to tell you anyway. Like I said, I like projects and I don't like following the normal path. I've wanted to be and do so many different things in my life, that while I'm serious as a heart attack about them, others don't take them seriously. So I get the old line "She's just being Brandy." Well, you know what? Hell yes I'm just being me, and I'm going to kick ass doing it. So hang with me and this place will be up and going before you can say "Oh there she goes again."

Later.